Established: 03 March 2002


Current News
News Archive
Episode Reviews
Character Profiles
Spoiler Archive
Kemps Corner
Poll Archive
Farscape Links
Other Links

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, as would pictures of wives and girlfriends naked. Submissions? Anything really. Click on the smiley face!

All text, HTML etc. on this site is the property of the webmaster and is not to be used without the webmasters permission. He's an amicable sort of fellow, so if you ask nicely, I'm sure it won't be a problem. Please don't snurch!

© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.



The Scene

The Illanic ship is disintegrating on the screen before the crew.

What went wrong!

BEN (entering): Is there a problem? Damn! (Seeing the ship disintegrate.) Who does that belong to?

RYGEL/JON: I don't know. Don't care. (Suddenly one of RYGEL's hands reaches out and grabs BEN firmly by the groin)

BEN: Jesus!

JON: What the hell?

PUPPET GUY: Sorry, some kind of malfunction here.


ANTH: Thought you liked that sort of thing.

CLAUDIA: (Snickers)

BEN: (Unable to speak, just grunts angrily)

DIRECTOR: Can we please get this sorted! We have a scene to shoot.

BRIAN: Don't damage the puppet!

BEN: (Glares at BRIAN)

BRIAN: And, er, Ben, of course.

PUPPET GUY: Ah, Jesus! Does anyone have a crowbar?

BEN: (Grunts in fear, eyes widening)

CLAUDIA: I have!

BRIAN: No crowbars!

PUPPET GUY: (Shrugging) Well, he's got a pretty good hold...

CLAUDIA: (Pouting) Please....


BEN: (Turning blue) Hnhhhnnhhghhh!

GINNY: Hey, he looks like me!

A crew member runs onto the set with a set of pliers. He looks towards BRIAN, who nods reluctantly.

DIRECTOR: Someone had better get the doctor up here.

DOCTOR: Yeah, like I'm ever off bloody set!

PUPPET GUY: (Taking the pliers) Okay, Ben, remain perfectly still.

BEN: (Nodding)

GINNY: Be careful! That's about the only useful part of Browder. (Winks)

PUPPET GUY: (Winking back) I know!

KEMPER: Pervert! Is nothing sacred, Ben?

BRIAN: Apparently not. You have seen his collection of rodents?

PUPPET GUY: (Fiddling around BEN's groin) O-kay....easy does it. (Snipping sound) Phew!

BEN: (Hands heading straight for groin) Oh, thank you God!


<back      next>

DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.