Established: 03 March 2002


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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.




Episode 4.10 - Provisional title 'The Way of the Bum'

As a child, Justin Monjo was fascinated by bottoms, and as Farscape's chief writer, he has been allowed to fully explore this obsession in an episode that will revolve around Johnny's bottom. No-ones entirely sure what this episode means, and during filming, several actors and crew expressed their dissatisfaction with the script. Essentially, Johnny will come across an ancient alien ship, which has on board, a special chair that allows the person who sits in it to have a irresistable arse. We're not making this up, I can assure you! Plenty of fun for the shippers here!

Season 4 - new characters

Exclusively, Crackers Matter can reveal three new characters who will play a major part in the 4th season:

Peaniss - Described as a maverick Peacekeeper soldier, who was thrown out of the service after a series of outrageous practical jokes backfired, leaving three solar systems in little pieces, and killing over 16 billion Sebaceans. He is expected to provide some light relief to counteract the immense angst that will be season 4. In one of the early episodes, for example, he will steal Rygel's thronesled, then break both his legs and hurl him out an airlock. Haha! I'm giggling already!

Melandriandrasia - A female Babeon (a new species, similar to humans, except with several vital body parts enlarged), she is rescued by Moya when her space craft crashes into a floating mine, left by Peaniss along a major space thoroughfare. While aboard, her and Johnny immediately hit it off, creating many hilarious 'Miss Sun is jealous' scenes. Pamela Anderson will play the part.

Aaak Ak Mo Ak Nibbles Qzz Ak Aaak Gar L'Lo Nqq Ak Pizza Terarararararararara Ak Ak Mo QxQ Ju Ilik Aka Ak Ak A'a'a'ak'a (or Bo for short) - Remember the Boolite from 'Fractures'? Well, this is his younger brother, who comes seeking to avenge his brother's death. He blames Johnny, and will stop at nothing to gain retribution. Will be the main baddie for season 4, after Scorpius realises he has reached retirement age, and settles down at the local PK rest home for the aged, eating soft foods and grumbling about the kids of today.

Episode 4.22 - No title as yet.

The season finale will be written by Claudia Black after she threatened to lightly fry Kemper's manhood. She is said to be hugely jealous that Ben has been allowed to write episodes, while the producers continually return her scripts, saying things like 'My Little Pony crossovers are a little off genre for us' and 'Though an episode in which Johnny dies a hundred painful deaths has merits, we feel the costs involved would prohibit us overly.'

The Farscape Movie

The oft mentioned movie is now a definite. Joe Esterhaus revealed to us that he has been hired by the producers to draft a script for them, and it is rumoured that John Travolta is keen to venture into sci-fi again after his hugely successful Battlefield Earth was so warmly recieved by the critics. Directors in the picture at the moment include Ben Dover, Alan Smithee and Ang Lee. The story for the movie is a closely kept secret, but Crackers Matter hopes to reveal details in our next installment, as we should have the pictures of Rockne and the chimpanzee developed by then.



DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.