17th September 2002
FARSCAPE CANCELLATION
SPECIAL EDITION
Sci-fi have
announced the cancellation of it's hit show Farscape. Network
executives cited the failed potato crop in Chile and a 'bad feeling'
as the main reasons for the premature termination.
*
The Farscape
cast and crew first heard about the planned cancellation when
Kemper spotted an itinerant Sydney man trying to hock D'Argo's
Qualta Blade.
*
Farscape fans
around the world have united in a massive campaign to get their
favourite show back on the air. First came the petitions, then
letters, followed by peaceful rallies. Some more enthusiastic
fans have built a giant drilling machine, journeyed to the Earth's
core and threatened to detonate a high explosive device if the
cancellation was not overturned. Fortunately, as we all know,
the Earth's core is inhabited by very small, but kindly folk,
who quickly disarmed the device and sent the fans on their way.
*
Sci-fi network
president Barry Diller has live kittens with his morning toast
and orange juice.
*
In a recent
survey conducted by US men's magazine, 'Dick', it was revealed
that sci-fi executives have the shortest average penis size of
executives at any of the major networks.
*
President George
W. Bush has backed the campaign to save Farscape. In an address
to the UN Security Council, he said: "It is my hope, and
the hope of my country to one day eradicate the menace of Saddam
Hussain from the Earth. If that proves unfeasible, then we can
at least hope that the fine televisual feast that is Farscape
is saved from cancellation."
*
Here at Crackers
Matter we believe in truth and only the truth, and would therefore
like to set the record straight concerning a number of rumours
presently circulating:
1. Farscape
was cancelled so that Sci-fi could free up money for SG-1.
The truth is,
Sci-fi are planning no more new sci-fi programmes. It is their
hope to one day become the premier 24hr cooking channel in the
world.
2. Each episode
of Farscape costs $1.4 million.
In truth, $1.40
would be closer to the mark. Farscape is made entirely using
claymation and cellotape.
3. Farscape
viewing figures were plummetting.
Not true. This
season the number of people called Nielsen watching the show
increased from 7 to 9, and that doesn't include Dolores Nielsen
of Arse, Michigan who married half-way through the season and
became Dolores Relliddab.
4. The moon
is made of cheese.
Clearly not
true.
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