Established: 03 March 2002

Current News
News Archive
Episode Reviews
Character Profiles
Spoiler Archive
Kemps Corner
Poll Archive
Farscape Links
Other Links

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, as would pictures of wives and girlfriends naked. Submissions? Anything really. Click on the smiley face!

All text, HTML etc. on this site is the property of the webmaster and is not to be used without the webmasters permission. He's an amicable sort of fellow, so if you ask nicely, I'm sure it won't be a problem. Please don't snurch!

© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.




17th September 2002


Sci-fi have announced the cancellation of it's hit show Farscape. Network executives cited the failed potato crop in Chile and a 'bad feeling' as the main reasons for the premature termination.


The Farscape cast and crew first heard about the planned cancellation when Kemper spotted an itinerant Sydney man trying to hock D'Argo's Qualta Blade.


Farscape fans around the world have united in a massive campaign to get their favourite show back on the air. First came the petitions, then letters, followed by peaceful rallies. Some more enthusiastic fans have built a giant drilling machine, journeyed to the Earth's core and threatened to detonate a high explosive device if the cancellation was not overturned. Fortunately, as we all know, the Earth's core is inhabited by very small, but kindly folk, who quickly disarmed the device and sent the fans on their way.


Sci-fi network president Barry Diller has live kittens with his morning toast and orange juice.


In a recent survey conducted by US men's magazine, 'Dick', it was revealed that sci-fi executives have the shortest average penis size of executives at any of the major networks.


President George W. Bush has backed the campaign to save Farscape. In an address to the UN Security Council, he said: "It is my hope, and the hope of my country to one day eradicate the menace of Saddam Hussain from the Earth. If that proves unfeasible, then we can at least hope that the fine televisual feast that is Farscape is saved from cancellation."


Here at Crackers Matter we believe in truth and only the truth, and would therefore like to set the record straight concerning a number of rumours presently circulating:

1. Farscape was cancelled so that Sci-fi could free up money for SG-1.

The truth is, Sci-fi are planning no more new sci-fi programmes. It is their hope to one day become the premier 24hr cooking channel in the world.

2. Each episode of Farscape costs $1.4 million.

In truth, $1.40 would be closer to the mark. Farscape is made entirely using claymation and cellotape.

3. Farscape viewing figures were plummetting.

Not true. This season the number of people called Nielsen watching the show increased from 7 to 9, and that doesn't include Dolores Nielsen of Arse, Michigan who married half-way through the season and became Dolores Relliddab.

4. The moon is made of cheese.

Clearly not true.



DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.