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Chapter Four



Aeryn, Crichton and the gang searched for a lifeboat that was not already occupied by fat ladies with yappy dogs relentlessly, punctuated by Rose giving Jack an occasional kick in the shin for treating her as an object. But it was all in vain, because Dakki played with time again, and the ship sank in about five minutes.

As the ship became vertical, almost everyone screamed and panicked, especially John, who clung to D'Argo and sobbed "Mommy!". D'Argo intoned an ancient Delvian chant to try to calm John down, but for some reason, it didn't seem to work. Amidst all the chaos, Aeryn stayed calm and collected, and decided to dive in. She many feet it was, and made perfect landing with practically no splash, narrowly missing a cluster of frozen businessmen. The only other person who stayed cool was Rygel, who was at the moment motoring around a few feet above the water polishing off his eighth jar of caviar.

"Hello, Aeryn," he said, when he found her. "Enjoying the water?"

"Oh, I'm doing wonderfully!" Aeryn said, unusually cheerful, "Us Sebaceans love cold water! practicing my breast stroke, you know...but I'm afraid John won't do so well. Could you see about a lifeboat?"

"Sorry," Rygel sniffed, "but they're all full. Can't you do anything?"

"Hmmmm...I'll think about it. thanks, Rygel," Aeryn said as Rygel puttered off, leaving Aeryn to wonder how to save Crichton, Rose, Chi, D'Argo, and He-Man Jack.

And then, suddenly, the ship went down, a lovely scene that Aeryn enjoyed watching, until she realized that Dakki had been frelling with time again.

"Dakki? What the frell are you doing? I thought that in reality the ship took two hours to-wait a minute! I'm not supposed to know this! I'm Sebacean! What the Hezmana have you done?" Aeryn asked angrily.

"Look, Aeryn, I've already explained this six times. I'm going to the Sultan to get some pita and humus. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

"Oh, fine..." Aeryn grumbled. "Oh, but could you bring me some baba and maybe some falafel?" she asked, brightening at the idea of watching a ship sink AND eating some Lebanese food.

"Sure thing." Said Dakki, and left Aeryn to watch the ship sink in peace.

After the whole thing had gone down, Jack, Rose, Crichton, D'Argo, and Chi swam over toAeryn. They all had ice in their hair, which Aeryn took to be a bad sign.

"Wow," she said, impressed at how pathetic they were, "You don't look so good."

"WOW! Ya think! Amazing logic skills, Aeryn! You! Are! So! Perceptive! That! It's! Amazing!"

Chi said, pissed. "Have any bright ideas?"

And thanks to Chi's insightful suggestion, Aeryn did. "YES!!" she shrieked, ecstatic, "now I remember! I always keep an inflatable raft in my left cup!"

Aeryn blew it up, and Chi, D'Argo and John got on, Aeryn being contented to swim laps.

"Hey, Rose, you want to come on? There's plenty of room..." Crichton asked.

"Oh, no, I'm just fine-I've found a lovely little board." Rose said brightly.

" about letting your boyfriend on?"

"No!" Rose said in a very final way, and then turned her attention to Jack, who was trying tosneak onto the board. "NO! Bad boy!" She said, pushing him off.

At this point, Chiana caught sight of Jack, and, liking what she saw, called to him. "Hey, can come on our raft if you want." She said seductively.

"Okay!" he said dumbly, and paddled over.

"'ve got really strong arms..." Chi said as she helped him up, automatically switching into"Seduce" mode.

"Hey," Crichton said quietly, nudging her in the ribs "you might want to be careful. It seems like this Rose chick is a wee bit possessive-okay, Pip?"

"Yeah, whatever..." Chi said, before turning back to Jack and offering him a back rub because, "you seem awfully tense".

Actually, Rose didn't seem to notice at all. Around that point she began to belt out "My Heart Will Go On", but about halfway through it she realized that it was the most idiotic song ever written and switched to an off-key version of "I Love Rock N' Roll". This went over quite well with D'Argo, who at the moment thought that he was Superman, although for some strange reason he couldn't quite fly yet.

And so, with Rose singing 80's Rock medleys, Chi and He-Man Jack making out, D'Argo trying to fly, and Rygel telling Aeryn about how Caviar went especially well on toast with a bit of Champagne, Crichton was left, as usual, to try to make sense of the whole shebang and look incredibly cute doing it.

"My GOD, that was the longest run-on sentence I have ever seen." Aeryn said to the poor overworked fanfic author.

"Shut up and eat your frelling falafel," said the poor overworked fanfic author, who was seriously considering only writing Invisible Man fanfics from now on.

Unfortunately, right at that moment, Rose finished "One Way Or Another" and, findint that Jack was not clinging to the board, she looked over to the raft to find Chi and He-Man Jack making out.

"Hey-might want to pay attention, Pip" John said, tapping Chi on the shoulder. Chi turned around, to find rose staring crazily at her from the board.

"Oh, um....." she began, hoping that Aeryn hadn't taught Rose how to use a pulse pistol yet.

ncredibly, she reacted quite minimally. "Oh, well, that's okay...he was beginning to get on my nerves anyway. You can have him. Besides," she said happily, "I always wanted to be an actress. I'll do that when we get to New York. Now...any requests? "Wild Thing"? "I Want You To Want Me"? Maybe "Flashdance...What A Feeling"?

Luckily, just at that moment, the good ship Carpathia came up before Rose could begin singing again.


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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.