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Chapter
Four
ON
THE LIFEBOAT
Aeryn, Crichton
and the gang searched for a lifeboat that was not already occupied
by fat ladies with yappy dogs relentlessly, punctuated by Rose
giving Jack an occasional kick in the shin for treating her as
an object. But it was all in vain, because Dakki played with
time again, and the ship sank in about five minutes.
As the ship
became vertical, almost everyone screamed and panicked, especially
John, who clung to D'Argo and sobbed "Mommy!". D'Argo
intoned an ancient Delvian chant to try to calm John down, but
for some reason, it didn't seem to work. Amidst all the chaos,
Aeryn stayed calm and collected, and decided to dive in. She
plummeted...um...however many feet it was, and made perfect landing
with practically no splash, narrowly missing a cluster of frozen
businessmen. The only other person who stayed cool was Rygel,
who was at the moment motoring around a few feet above the water
polishing off his eighth jar of caviar.
"Hello,
Aeryn," he said, when he found her. "Enjoying the water?"
"Oh, I'm
doing wonderfully!" Aeryn said, unusually cheerful, "Us
Sebaceans love cold water! practicing my breast stroke, you know...but
I'm afraid John won't do so well. Could you see about a lifeboat?"
"Sorry,"
Rygel sniffed, "but they're all full. Can't you do anything?"
"Hmmmm...I'll
think about it. thanks, Rygel," Aeryn said as Rygel puttered
off, leaving Aeryn to wonder how to save Crichton, Rose, Chi,
D'Argo, and He-Man Jack.
And then, suddenly,
the ship went down, a lovely scene that Aeryn enjoyed watching,
until she realized that Dakki had been frelling with time again.
"Dakki?
What the frell are you doing? I thought that in reality the ship
took two hours to-wait a minute! I'm not supposed to know this!
I'm Sebacean! What the Hezmana have you done?" Aeryn asked
angrily.
"Look,
Aeryn, I've already explained this six times. I'm going to the
Sultan to get some pita and humus. Do you want me to bring you
anything?"
"Oh, fine..."
Aeryn grumbled. "Oh, but could you bring me some baba and
maybe some falafel?" she asked, brightening at the idea
of watching a ship sink AND eating some Lebanese food.
"Sure
thing." Said Dakki, and left Aeryn to watch the ship sink
in peace.
After the whole
thing had gone down, Jack, Rose, Crichton, D'Argo, and Chi swam
over toAeryn. They all had ice in their hair, which Aeryn took
to be a bad sign.
"Wow,"
she said, impressed at how pathetic they were, "You don't
look so good."
"WOW!
Ya think! Amazing logic skills, Aeryn! You! Are! So! Perceptive!
That! It's! Amazing!"
Chi said, pissed.
"Have any bright ideas?"
And thanks
to Chi's insightful suggestion, Aeryn did. "YES!!"
she shrieked, ecstatic, "now I remember! I always keep an
inflatable raft in my left cup!"
Aeryn blew
it up, and Chi, D'Argo and John got on, Aeryn being contented
to swim laps.
"Hey,
Rose, you want to come on? There's plenty of room..." Crichton
asked.
"Oh, no,
I'm just fine-I've found a lovely little board." Rose said
brightly.
"Uhh...how
about letting your boyfriend on?"
"No!"
Rose said in a very final way, and then turned her attention
to Jack, who was trying tosneak onto the board. "NO! Bad
boy!" She said, pushing him off.
At this point,
Chiana caught sight of Jack, and, liking what she saw, called
to him. "Hey, uh...you can come on our raft if you want."
She said seductively.
"Okay!"
he said dumbly, and paddled over.
"Ooh....you've
got really strong arms..." Chi said as she helped him up,
automatically switching into"Seduce" mode.
"Hey,"
Crichton said quietly, nudging her in the ribs "you might
want to be careful. It seems like this Rose chick is a wee bit
possessive-okay, Pip?"
"Yeah,
whatever..." Chi said, before turning back to Jack and offering
him a back rub because, "you seem awfully tense".
Actually, Rose
didn't seem to notice at all. Around that point she began to
belt out "My Heart Will Go On", but about halfway through
it she realized that it was the most idiotic song ever written
and switched to an off-key version of "I Love Rock N' Roll".
This went over quite well with D'Argo, who at the moment thought
that he was Superman, although for some strange reason he couldn't
quite fly yet.
And so, with
Rose singing 80's Rock medleys, Chi and He-Man Jack making out,
D'Argo trying to fly, and Rygel telling Aeryn about how Caviar
went especially well on toast with a bit of Champagne, Crichton
was left, as usual, to try to make sense of the whole shebang
and look incredibly cute doing it.
"My GOD,
that was the longest run-on sentence I have ever seen."
Aeryn said to the poor overworked fanfic author.
"Shut
up and eat your frelling falafel," said the poor overworked
fanfic author, who was seriously considering only writing Invisible
Man fanfics from now on.
Unfortunately,
right at that moment, Rose finished "One Way Or Another"
and, findint that Jack was not clinging to the board, she looked
over to the raft to find Chi and He-Man Jack making out.
"Hey-might
want to pay attention, Pip" John said, tapping Chi on the
shoulder. Chi turned around, to find rose staring crazily at
her from the board.
"Oh, um....."
she began, hoping that Aeryn hadn't taught Rose how to use a
pulse pistol yet.
I
ncredibly,
she reacted quite minimally. "Oh, well, that's okay...he
was beginning to get on my nerves anyway. You can have him. Besides,"
she said happily, "I always wanted to be an actress. I'll
do that when we get to New York. Now...any requests? "Wild
Thing"? "I Want You To Want Me"? Maybe "Flashdance...What
A Feeling"?
Luckily, just
at that moment, the good ship Carpathia came up before Rose could
begin singing again.
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