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Chapter
Three
SHE'S
A-SINKIN'
Rygel and Jack
sat in the small room, handcuffed to the file cabinet, screaming
very loudly. Rygel was being especially loud, which was very
strange, considering the fact that Hynerians are aquatic. And
if it wasn't for Chi, who happened to be passing the room that
Jack and Rygel were in right at that moment, then Rose would
have ended up chopping off Jack's handcuffs with an axe and then
most likely cutting off Rygel's hands, because, let's be frank,
you can get lucky chopping off handcuffs the first time, but
if you think that you'll do it successfully the second then you're
just asking for too much.
"What
the frell is going on in here?" Chi asked as she stepped
in.
"Help,
first, questions later," Rygel yelled, "now get me
the FRELL OUT OF HERE!!!"
"What's
the matter with you?" Chiana said, "Hynerians are aquatic.
Have you gone completely farbot?'
"Idiot.
Of course I'm aquatic, but my frelling chair doesn't work if
it's submerged. You don't expect me to walk, do you? If you do,
then you're the one who's gone farbot, not me."
"Hold
on," Chi said, rolling her eyes, "I'll get you a lightsaber."
"A lightsaber?"
Jack said, confused, "Waaaiiit a minute-isn't Dakki confusing
her scifi?"
"No,"
said Chi, "Obi-Wan Kenobi is up on the first class deck.
After all, this is the dimension Where Movies Are Real."
"Oh,"
said Jack, still slightly confused, but trying to pass it off
as a Soap Opera look. Of course, Chi saw right through it, but
went to get the lightsaber anyway.
"Well."
said Aeryn, "learn anything new?"
"Sure
did," Crichton said cheerfully, "good thing we watched.
I got quite a few pointers."
"Well,
we should probably go. Just to check if D'Argo has gone completely
farbot."
Crichton and
Aeryn kissed a perfect Crichton-and-Aeryn kiss, and then got
out of the car, and then split up-Crichton was planning on making
sure that Spanky hadn't gotten himself in too much trouble, and
Aeryn wanted to see about Chi and D'Argo.
Aeryn traversed
the ship for a few minutes, and, after finding D'Argo getting
Cello lessons from a member of the string quartet, decided that
she wanted to have some fun.
Aeryn wandered
around for a bit, and, unable to find a punching bag or similar,
she decided that she would look for Rose and tell her about birth
control, maybe teach her some rudimentary self-defense skills.
Eventually
she found Rose, and followed her to her room. Once shed got inside,
Aeryn found Rose fingering a big, shiny blue diamond.
"Well,"
Aeryn murmured to herself, "that would certainly buy a lot
of food cubes."
Rose whirled
around so fast that her hair knocked over a vase that was sitting
on the table. "Who are you?" She asked.
"Oh, boy,
have I got a lot to teach you..."
"I found
it!" Chi said triumphantly as she entered the Small Room,
lightsaber in hand. "And it wasn't easy, either. Jedi Knights
sure are possessive."
"Well
then, get me the frell out of these handcuffs! The water's beginning
to come in here." Rygel said angrily.
Chi muttered
something that sounded suspiciously like "frelling little
Hynerian bastard," but she cut his cuffs anyway, and then
Jack's. Jack looked a bit frightened by the Big Scary Light,
but soon put up his He- man façade.
"So..."
said Chi, "I guess you want to find your girlfriend."
"Yes!"
said Jack, sounding less than sure of himself. "I am going
to rescue her!"
With that,
Chi, Jack, and Rygel set out to find Rose's room. They sloshed
along for quite a while (since the boat had already begun to
sink), and when they finally got to Rose's cabin, they were pretty
surprised by what they saw.
"I think
you'll find this a little more convenient..." Aeryn said
as she tied some ribbon around Rose's slicked-back braid. Rose
tossed her head, delighted to not feel weighed down by masses
of hair anymore "Ah..." she said, "now I won't
knock over any more vases. Thank you so much, Aeryn." In
fact, the braid suited Rose quite well, as did the Peacekeeper
clothes that Aeryn had rustled up for her.
Jack lunged
a Rose. "oh, Rose!" he sobbed, "What has she done
to you?"
"Shut
up, Jack," said Rose, pushing him away, "I am not an
object. Aeryn has taught me self defense, and about feminism,
and how to steer a prowler. And I like my hair this way, thank
you very much. Now, let's go and get a lifeboat."
"Couldn't
have said it better myself" Aeryn said cheerfully.
Aeryn, Rose,
Chi, Rygel, and Jack set off for the top deck so they could get
a lifeboat. The only problem was, they still hadn't found Crichton,
and Aeryn had a feeling that he wouldn't enjoy the cold all that
much. But her problem was solved twenty minutes later when they
found him and
D'Argo playing
a lovely piece with the string quartet. The real problem came
when they came across Cal, slightly drunk, wandering around looking
for Rose .
"ROSE!"
he said, lunging at her, "Come with me..."
"Leave
me alone, Cal!" She said, kicking him in the stomach. But
even that proved to be not quite enough. He tried to grab her
again, but before he could, Aeryn grabbed her pulse-pistol and
shot his mem-
"Um, Dakki?"
Cal interrupted rudely, "this is supposed to be P.G. 13.
Just something to keep in mind."
"Oh, sorry!"
Dakki said, typing vigorously. "Thanks for reminding me..."
...Aeryn grabbed
her puled-pistol and shot his wee-wee off.
"No, please,
no, anything but that!" Cal wailed. "I would rather
die than be wee-wee-less!"
"Okay,"
Aeryn said, and shot him again.
That taken
care of, they set off to find a lifeboat...
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