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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.



Her award-winning Farscape Story (3)


Chapter One


I humbly beg your forgiveness for this. It was supposed to be a real fic, well, real sillyfic, but really, and it turned into a rip-off of Mike Resnick's "His Award-Winning Science Fiction Story." It didn't start out that way. And I didn't think of the title until I was writing chapter 22, so it's not like I meant for it to be this way. Please, if anyone has read that story, don't be mad at me. And if you haven't, this won't make sense. And now that I got all the weirdness out, I can write my REAL sillyfic, one with Crais and love letters and all that jazz. The only reason I'm posting is that the voices are making me.




"Is there going to be a chapter 2?" Aeryn asked snippily. "Hey!" she yelled indignantly, "that wasn't snippy. It was just a question. Since there was no chapter 2 last time, there shouldn't be a chapter 1 if there is no chapter 2."


"She's right," agreed Crichton.


"Shut up," said Corde. "I swear, you are the worst characters"


"And we're not even yours," Chia Pet said smarmily. "And don't call me Chia Pet!"


"My fic, I call you what I want," replied Corde smugly.


"And do I get any lines this time?" asked Zhaan. "Hey look, I do!"


D'Argo growled.


"Will all of you just leave me alone for a few minutes so I can write this frelling fic?" Corde screamed in frustration. "What is the MATTER with you PEOPLE?"


"Hey, that's my line," Crichton muttered plaintively.


"NOT ANYMORE!" yelled Corde. "Gentle readers, I apologize for the delay. The fic will begin shortly."


Chapter 1


"Are you sure?" asked Aeryn.


Corde throws down her quill and parchment and stomps away yelling curses in Klingon. D'Argo watches her leave. "Whoa," he remarks, "mouth like a sailor"


Chapter 7


"Okay, is anyone else having Resnick flashbacks?" asked Chia Pet.


"Not until Loni Anderson shows up," said Zhaan. "Or the gardener."


"I thought the gardener wasn't in that one," said Aeryn.


"He wasn't," said Zhaan.


"What's going on?" asked Pilot.


"Corde just ripped off an entire Resnick story, and it isn't even as good as the original," answered Moya.


"Does that mean we all get to do it with Loni Anderson?" Pilot asked eagerly.


"Who's Loni Anderson?" wondered Chia Pet.


"Before your time, dear," answered Zhaan. "Before Corde's too, but she read Resnick.


Chapter 22


Call me Ishmael.


Chapter 23


It was not born; it was made. It came out of the darkness. It had no home


"Oh wow, now an attempt at a direct quote falls flat on its face. And it wasn't even that funny the first time. Give it up, Corde," advised Aeryn.


"You wanted Resnick, I'm trying to give you Resnick. Sorry, I don't have the book right here in front of me" grumbled Corde.


"Hiya!" chirped Loni Anderson.


Zhaan punched Loni Anderson, who went down for the count.


"Thank you!" said Moya.


"Corde, honey, where are you?" asked Bongo, Corde's muse.


"Hiding," said Corde.


"What are you doing? This fic sucks," said Bongo.


"Tell me about it. It was supposed to be really good, but it didn't work, and now I'm kinda stuck in it" Corde began to whimper.


"Don't worry, I can fix it," said Bongo reassuringly.




"You call that a fix?" demanded Aeryn.


"No, I call it an end. So now Corde can stop this nonsense and write the fic she wants to," replied Bongo testily.


"Fine," grumbled Aeryn. "Sheesh, this entire story just bites. Even the title is ripped off Resnick. I really hope the Shippers have read Resnick, or else they're gonna kick you right off the list."


Corde burst into tears.



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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.