Farscape/Star Trek Crossover(4)
Star: John de Lancie as Q
the one I was trying to do earlier. I had all these great ideas
last night, and now when I tried to write them, they look bad.
Sigh, I guess everything looks better at three in the morning.
I'm sorry for this one too
I have to have a prologue, once upon a time and all that, because
if I don't then someone might poke an eye out with a keyboard
or something and sue me. So once upon a time there was a boy
named Crichton, and he flew a little shuttle (that sorta looked
like a dead cow) called Farscape 1. Then one day he found himself
far from home (no, I still don't know how, I haven't seen the
premier yet) and in big trouble. But the amazing Aeryn Sun came
to his rescue (then and about a billion times since then, is
anyone surprised?), and saved his hide, because he's cute. However,
in doing so, noble Aeryn put herself in danger, and she was trapped
on a really big ship (which just happened to be alive) with a
bunch of other people, and they were all lost in the Uncharted
Territories (which was kind of a good thing, because Crichton
had made an enemy). So there was D'Argo, and Zhaan, and Rygel,
and Chia Pet, and Pilot, and Moya. And a bunch of DRDs.
It was a normal
day on Moya. Aeryn and Crichton were tinkering with their respective
ships in the cargo bay, trying not to act like they were flirting
with each other. Zhaan was naked. D'Argo was moody. Chia Pet
was annoying. Rygel was eating. Just a typical day.
blinked into existence on the Terrace. A tallish man, with rumpled
brown hair and a red and black suit. His name was a letter. The
letter P! (dun dun dun)
No wait, I'm
wrong, it was
Q! (dun dun dun)
Then things began to get interesting.
Zhaan and Crichton
were listening to D'Argo jam on his neat purple instrument. Crichton
kept thinking he had heard the tune before, but didn't say anything
until D'Argo started singing, "Well I try and try to forget
you, girl, but it's just so hard to do, and I can't take you
doin' that thing you do" Zhaan screamed and ran.
Aeryn was trying
to look up star charts in Seattle, er, Command (oh don't start
that again) when she came across an odd message. "My love
is like a red red rose" it began. Aeryn looked in shock
at the address line of the message. To Moya from Pilot! Aeryn
shook her head and deleted it quickly.
was wandering the ship aimlessly (well actually he was looking
for Aeryn, but he would never admit it) when he passed Rygel's
quarters. The hynerian was hovering in his little chair in front
of the mirror, saying, "Who's the prettiest Dominar around?
It's me! It's me! BUWAHAHA!" Crichton's eyes widened and
he walked quickly past.
came over the comm. "Peacekeeper ship approaching. It's
too close. We won't be able to starburst away. Sorry." He
didn't sound sorry.
grumbled Aeryn, "that's the fourth time this weekan."
Crais and his
henchmen came sweeping down the corridor. Aeryn prepared herself
to fight, glad that at least Crichton wasn't hanging around to
get in trouble. But Crais surprised her. He went down on one
knee in front of her, and looked up at her angelically as his
henchmen turned on a tape player and began to sing. "He
loves you yeah, yeah, yeah, he loves you yeah, yeah, yeah,"
Aeryn screamed and ran.
While she was
screaming and running, she passed Zhaan, who was screaming and
running the other way. They stopped and caught their breaths.
"D'Argo singing" Zhaan panted.
singing" Aeryn panted. They looked at each other in horror
and began running again.
Aeryn ran to
the cargo bay, where she thought she'd be safe. Nope. Crichton
was there. He began to hover. "Hey Aeryn. How ya doin'?
Can I polish your pulse rifle for ya? Shine your boots? Wash
your PK uniform? Press your civvies? Brush your hair? Get you
a pair of Calvins? Huh? Huh? Can I?" Aeryn sighed, glad
he wasn't trying to sing. Then she punched him out and started
Crais. "My dear," he said very seriously, "If
the nightingales sang as sweet as you, they'd sing much sweeter
than they do" Aeryn punched him out and ran.
D'Argo chasing Zhaan, still singing. "Thank heaven for little
girls for little girls get bigger every day thank heaven for
little girls they grow up in the most delightful ways" He
seemed to have a very strange accent Zhaan stopped in the middle
of the corridor.
had enough!" She yelled. Then she began to sing. "These
boots are made for walkin', and that's just what they'll do!
And one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!"
"Stop, in the name of love! Before you break my heart, think
I o-o-ver think it o-o-ver"
her head. "The best things in life are free, but that don't
mean a think to me, I want money. That's what I want." Aeryn
shook her head and kept running.
Aeryn ran to
the Terrace. She saw the man, who just happened to be standing
there, and walked up to him and punched him. He went down for
the count. She stood on his chest until he came to. "Hey,"
he wheezed when he regained consciousness, "You can't do
that, I'm Q!"
care if you're A E I O U and sometimes Y, stop whatever it is
you're doing RIGHT NOW. Gods! I'm so sick of all this bad singing!
And what's up with the love letters?"
The man under
her boots began to whine, "Aww, I was just having a little
fun. Turning Moya into a badly directed Webber-esque rock opera
I thought it would be funny."
at him. "Then why didn't it affect me?"
The man blinked.
"Because you're Aeryn," he said as if that explained
everything (which it did).
I forget sometimes. Now cut it out."
The man glowered
at her. "Fine." He waved his hand. Everything was back
Aeryn said, getting off his chest. "Now if I ever see you
on Moya again, I'll kick your butt. Got it?"
the man muttered as he blinked out of existence.
With that settled,
Aeryn walked back to Command to finish looking up those pesky
star charts. On the way, she saw Crais wandering around singing
"The Crais Song," but decided to ignore him. With luck,
maybe he'd trip over Crichton.
said Aeryn, "even that Resnick rip-off was better than this
you so very much," Corde replied sarcastically.
you write another one like the first one? It wasn't too bad,"
wasn't too bad," agreed Corde. "The language was atrocious.
If my English teacher ever saw me use the phrase "in an
odd fashion," she'd skin me alive."
that was the point," said Aeryn with a raised eyebrow.
But it was still atrocious."
than this one."
a point. Let's ask the Shippers if they can help. Shippers? Wanna
give me a hand on this?" Corde asked the list in general.
fix it," said Anthony (who was really Bongo pretending to
be Anthony, shh, don't tell).
Please do," said Aeryn.
that a fix?" asked Aeryn.
call it an end," said Anthony.