Established: 03 March 2002

Current News
News Archive
Episode Reviews
Character Profiles
Spoiler Archive
Kemps Corner
Poll Archive
Farscape Links
Other Links

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, as would pictures of wives and girlfriends naked. Submissions? Anything really. Click on the smiley face!

All text, HTML etc. on this site is the property of the webmaster and is not to be used without the webmasters permission. He's an amicable sort of fellow, so if you ask nicely, I'm sure it won't be a problem. Please don't snurch!

© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.



In Which Several Bits Are Stuck Together, A Deal Is Made And Broken, And A Fic Is Killed, Although No One Cares Because It Was A Really Bad Fic. No, I Mean REALLY Bad. I'm Talking Bad, Here, It Was So Bad That The Grammar Checker Refused To Check It, And The Spell Checker Just Laughed At It. It Was A Seriously Bad Fic(18)

So I was working on a story, and it was really bad, and I had writer's block, so I opened a new document and wrote what is now chapter 1 of this story. A few days later, I still couldn't work on the other story, so I opened another document and wrote what was to become chapter 2. Then I sent the story to be tentatively beta'ed, got some excellent advice, and promptly killed it. Yesterday I told Anthony to draw something and I'd write for him, but he didn't tell me what to write, so I slapped the first two chapters together and filled out the rest. This is what happens when Bongo gets bored and high on too much generic orange soda. Sad, isn't it?

Chapter 1


Aeryn stalked into the cargo bay. "What's all this then?" she barked.


"Well see, it's like this," Corde explained. "I'm allowed to enter two things into the ScaperCon fic contest, and the other one," she pointed at the other document on the screen, the cursor blinking and laughing at her, "isn't going all that well."


"I'll say," said Aeryn, reading what Corde had written. "You've spent more time on this than any three Cordefics, and it's not even three pages long yet!"


"I KNOW," Corde moaned piteously. "I've got writer's block."


"Likely story," Aeryn snorted. "Fix it."


Corde heaved a sigh. "I'll try."


Chapter 2


Aeryn purposefully strode into the cargo bay. "What am I doing here?" She asked.


"Good question," Corde said. "Someone once said that the best cure for writer's block is to give yourself permission to write badly. Since writing badly is what I do best, I thought I'd give it a go."


"Well, if you're TRYING to write badly, you're doing pretty well at it. That was horrible grammar." Aeryn criticized.


Corde gave an exaggerated sigh. "I KNOW, that's the POINT. If I cared at all about this, I'd have fixed it, but I DON'T, so it's STAYING that way."


Aeryn smacked her. "Writer's block is no excuse for bad grammar. Fix it."


Corde grumbled and went back over the paragraph with the grammar checker. "Happy now?"


"Not really," Aeryn said, checking the aforementioned paragraph. "You still haven't gotten through the block thingy."


Corde stared at her. "Did you just say 'block thingy'?"


Aeryn stared back. "Yes. I did. And it's your fault. As always. Try again."


Chapter 3


"So let me see if I've got this," Aeryn said with the air of one who is determined to be correct for once and for all. "They're basically the same people, with the same jobs, but they have entirely different names."


"Exactly!" said Gabrielle with a smile of great triumph.


Xena seemed to be in awe of Aeryn's accent. "They let you keep it?" she asked wonderingly. Aeryn glared at her, not pleased to be distracted from her original topic.


"That seems ratha' odd," she told Gabrielle. "You humans are strange."


Gabrielle sighed and absently smacked Xena, who was becoming fixated on Aeryn's voice. "That we are," she agreed.


Aeryn boggled. "So how many of them are there?"


"Twelve, more or less." Gabrielle took on her storytelling voice. "First is Zeus, the great king of the gods, who slew his father the titan Cronos, and who himself fathered many great children"


"Jupita', right," Aeryn interrupted. Xena grinned at the dropped "r."


Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Well, yes, but that's the Roman name. We're Greek."


"Yeah, yeah, whateva'," Aeryn said with a dismissive hand gesture. Xena grinned again. "It's all the same to me. How about the rest of them?"


Gabrielle made a rude comment under her breath about people who didn't appreciate good storytelling when they heard it, and then began to recite, "In no particular order, the rest of the Olympian gods are Hera/Juno, Athena/Minerva, Ares/Mars, Artemis/Diana, Hephestus/Vulcan, Aphrodite/Venus, Hermes/Mercury, Hestia/Vesta, Dionysus/Bacchus, and Demeter/Ceres."


Xena blinked. "She can't hear the slashes between names!"


Gabrielle smacked her again. "No, but she can read it. This is in text, remember?"


Xena looked sheepish. "Oh yeah."


Aeryn had been furiously counting on her fingers. She looked up triumphantly. "That's only eleven!" she announced.


Gabrielle's brow furrowed in concentration. "Oh yes. Apollo."


Aeryn nodded, then frowned. "Is that Greek or Roman?"


"Both!" said Xena, proud that she knew that bit of trivia.


Gabrielle patted her on the head. "Good warrior," she said. "You get a cookie." Xena grinned.


Chapter 4


"Corde, are you even going to attempt to bring this back on-topic?" Aeryn complained.


"Not a chance," Corde sang cheerfully. "It's my half of a deal I made with Anthony, and he didn't say that it had to be OnT, so I'm making it up as I go along."


"Has Anthony kept up his part of the bargain?" Crichton asked, wandering in at just that moment with no shirt on.


"Nope," said Corde. "And I don't think he's going to, which will put me one-up over him. Ha!"


Velorek strode in, also shirtless. "Corde you are special you can be so much more"


Corde grinned. "Ah, we'd all like to think so, wouldn't we? But I doubt it, honey buns. I've resigned myself to a life of Cordefic."


Aeryn, Crichton, Velorek, Xena, Gabrielle, and Bongo all shuddered in fear. "No anything but that" Bongo whispered, horrified.


Chapter 5


"And what's more," Corde continued, "I KILLED that other fic! That's right! I killed it! And I'm not ashamed! It needed killing!"


"You got THAT right," mumbled Xeddicus.


"Heck, girl, I dunno it needs to go somewhere" Night-Owl advised vaguely.


Corde smiled at Night-Owl. "Thanks, hon, but I already killed it. No worries."


Night-Owl breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good. Now about that $650"


"I'll get it to you by the end of the week," Corde promised.




<prev        next>

DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.