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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.

 

 

THE SCENE

The crew paying their last respects to Miss Sun.

WHAT WENT WRONG!

BEN: Give... me... your knife.

ANTH removes his knife from his belt. Hands it to BEN. BEN looks at it, then flips it so that the blade rests against his handcuff. He then reaches down into the coffin, his hands disappearing. His lips rest on CLAUDIA's forehead.

BEN: Aeryn... forgive me.

He kisses her mouth. As he stands up, he has in his hands a lock of her hair. He considers the knife again, then hands it to ANTH.

BEN: (in a barely audible whisper) Yay!

CLAUDIA sits bolt upright.

CLAUDIA: I heard that!

KEMPER: Come on, Ben! Please!

BEN: Sorry folks! (grins) It's just I'm really enjoying this scene.

KEMPER: It's supposed to be touching!

BEN: I know, but can't a guy have a little fun?

CLAUDIA: This is so bloody unfair!

BEN: Ain't life a bitch...and then you die!

CLAUDIA: Moron!

BEN: Corpse!

CLAUDIA: Pervert!

BEN: Um...corpse!

CLAUDIA: (lays back down in the coffin) Let's get this finished up can we so I can go look for another job.

KEMPER: Ok, Claudia. Ben? Please? We running behind as it is. Jimbo, one of the lighting guys has got his penis stuck in a hole in Gigi's trailer and Jon keeps trying to exorcise Ginny. Can we please just get on with this?

BEN: Sure, no problem. I'm a professional.

CLAUDIA: Professional-

BEN: Yeah, I know. Professional moron. Like we haven't heard that one before. It's a good thing they're killing you off, you've become stale.

GINNY suddenly strolls over to KEMPER and whispers something in his ear.

KEMPER: Um, wait a sec. Change of plan.

BEN: What?

KEMPER: Um, my Dark Master-

GINNY: Ahem!

KEMPER: Um, er, I mean Ginny has informed me that she needs to get to work on her world domination-

GINNY: Idiot!

KEMPER: No! I mean....makeup! That's it! Makeup! It's irritating her!

GINNY: (decidedly unconvincing) Yes, that's right, my makeup is very irritating. As is Lani's cheese.

KEMPER: So, that means...

CLAUDIA: I'm not dead?

BEN: Nooooooooooooooooooo!

KEMPER: Well you're dead for the time being. But we'll bring you back. Happens all the time in sci-fi. No-one will notice.

BEN: (falls to his knees) Oh, please God no!

CLAUDIA: Yay! In your face, Browder!

BEN: (sobs)

 

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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.