THE SCENE
Kahaynu (JON)
has just entered Moya, and bumped into Zhaan.
WHAT WENT WRONG!
GINNY: Kale
tana nash pu ne, Kale tana nash pu ne.
JON: (face
turns ashen) Where did you hear that chant?
GINNY: (shrugs)
It's in the script. Probably means something stupid like 'goddess
be with me'.
JON: No! That
chant! I know it! (eyes dart frantically about the set)
DIRECTOR: Jon?
What's the problem?
JON: (frantic)
That chant! You know what it means?! Oh dear God, help us all!
GINNY: Jon,
honey?
JON: Who wrote
this? WHO!?
KEMPER: I did.
Jon?
JON: (rushes
over to where KEMPER is sitting eating doughnuts) You! Devil
worshipper!
KEMPER: (laughs
uncomfortably) Jon, whatever are you going on about?
JON: (grabs
KEMPER by the lapels of his tweed shirt) I won't let you! You
can't do it!
GINNY: Jon?
Have you been drinking again?
KEMPER: (struggles
to free himself) Get off of me! Security! SECURITY!
JON: (to GINNY)
That chant! It's an ancient, dead dialect. I haven't heard it
in thirty years. It's a chant to summon the Dark Lord! It may
already be too late! Someone here may well already be holding
Satan's spirit. One of us is an empty human vessel!
KEMPER: You're
insane, Hardy!
JON: (giggles,
um, insanely) Am I? What did he offer you, Kemper? Riches? Fame?
Power? Women?
On the word
'women', KEMPER is clearly to be seen nodding.
JON: Women!
I knew it! (he releases KEMPER, and delves into his robes, bringing
forth a crucifix) Where are you Satan? The Earth is not yet yours
for the taking!
Two burly security
guards rush on to the set. As KEMPER spots them, he quickly points
at JON.
KEMPER: Take
him! He's gone mad!
JON: (sees
the guards warily approach him) Back away! You don't understand!
The Dark Lord is amongst us. Beezlebub! Reveal thyself!
KEMPER: Get
him now!
JON: (makes
a dash for the exit, but suddenly falls to his knees as he passes
GINNY) Noooooo!
The security
guards grab the prone JON and drag him screaming from the set.
DIRECTOR: Jesus!
What the fuck was that all about?
KEMPER: Nothing.
(smiles nervously) Nothing at all. We'll leave the Kahaynu scenes
for the moment shall we.
DIRECTOR: Yeah,
but, what he was saying?
KEMPER: (laughs)
What that I summoned the Devil and our Most Diabolical Dark Master
has possessed the body of someone here? How stupid is that?
GINNY: Yeah,
Kemper's right. Jon's just a little old, and possibly senile.
(winks at KEMPER)
KEMPER: (to
GINNY) Thank you, Master...I mean Ginny!
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