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David Kemper (conducted by me, Bob!)
ME: Welcome,
Mr. Kemper.
DK: Hello.
Please, call me David.
ME: <sneers>
So, Mr. Kemper, Farscape? Where'd it go wrong?
DK: <pauses>
Okay. I don't believe it has. You are a fan, yes?
ME: No.
DK: <fiddles
with his tie> Okay. Fair enough.
ME: So, are
you going to answer the question, or avoid it like you avoid
decent storylines and character development?
DK: Um, you're
very antagonsitic.
ME: Am I really?
<sneers> I'm not one of those 'yes' men you surround yourself
with, I'm afraid. I could always get Zoe Ball in if I'm being
too tough on you?
DK: Zoe Ball?
I'm sorry, I just thought this was an interview for a fansite.
ME: It is.
DK: But you
said you're not a fan.
ME: I'm not.
DK: So?
ME: <shrugs>
I'm the alternative viewpoint if you like.
DK: Oh, I see.
ME: Well done.
Wasn't that hard, now was it?
DK: No, I guess
not.
ME: Anyway,
enough avoidance. The question?
DK: Question?
ME: <sighs>
Where'd it go wrong?
DK: Oh. Well,
I don't believe it has.
ME: You wouldn't.
DK: Look! I
appreciate that you may have a differing viewpoint from me, but
there's no need to be disrespectful!
ME: Oh diddums.
I'm sorry, Mr. Kemper. Did you drop your retainer?
DK: <gets
rapidly to his feet> Now look here young man! Either you show
some damned respect or this interview is over!
ME: Whadda
matter, wittle Mr. Kemper? The questions too hard for you? Shall
I write them down in crayon for you?
DK: That's
it! Interview over!
ME: Okay. You
go run back to your mummy.
DK: Fuck you!
ME: Ooooooooh!
DK: Shut up!
ME: Make me!
DK: I said
shut up!
ME: Or what?
You going to give me a fake beard?
DK: <punches
ME in the face>
ME: Ow! That
hurt!
DK: <breathes
deeply, then sits down> Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have
hit you, but you got my gander up.
ME: Pfft! You
punch like a girl!
DK: <leaps
on ME, and begins pummeling>
ME: Ow! Ouch!
Stop! Ow!
DK: Die you
bastard!
ME: Please,
David! Stop!
DK: That's
Mr. Kemper!
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