THE
BEST NIGHT
Chapter
One
This is
set at the beginning of Season 3, just after Suns and Lovers.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.Yet! So, borrowing and
stuff.
Rating: 15 for adult context rather than all out orgy action,
or excessive blood-letting.
"What
is this stuff, anyway?" John asked, surveying the multitude
of amber bottles laid out before him. "Colourful."
"This,"
D'Argo elaborated, "is Koolan juice."
"Cool,
so what's it do?"
"It does
nothing," D'Argo paused and smiled. " But it helps
you forget, and I think we all could do with that right now."
John frowned.
"What? So it's like fellip nectar?"
D'Argo smile
expanded into laughter. "That, my friend, is Venkat piss
compared to this stuff. I have not tasted it in many cycles,
but remember it only too well as a boy. I remember absolutely
nothing of the Festival of Lar, and that festival lasted seven
solar days!"
John shrugged.
"Well, it aint Bud, but what ya gonna do?" He hefted
a metal container from the back of the transport and struggled
with it towards the hover conveyor.
D'Argo enjoying
the human's pathetic efforts, stacked three boxes on top of one
another and hoisted them easily into his arms. "Don't know
what Bud is John."
"Like
that's ever stopped him before," Aeryn called from behind
the conveyor.
"Hey!"
John protested. "I'm not from around these parts, in case
you hadn't noticed. I'm not going to just abandon my culture
to make you lot happy."
D'Argo, his
long stride easily eclipsing the struggling humans, beat John
to the conveyor. "We rarely forget that, John."
John refused
to be drawn any further on the matter. He returned to the transport
and lifted the last of the containers. "So, we've got to
thank Rygel for this?"
D'Argo nodded.
"For once, our most Serene Eminence has proved useful."
"Yeah,
but what's in it for him?"
D'Argo shrugged.
"He says it is a gift. A thank you for all the past deeds
we have done for him."
They all broke
out into fits of laughter. "Yeah, right!" John spluttered.
"When has Sparky ever done anything that doesn't first suit
his interests?"
"I resent
that, Crichton," Rygel muttered, hovering into the transport
hangar, followed closely by Chiana.
"Resent
it all you want, Rygel, but we all know it is the truth,"
Aeryn responded.
Rygel muttered
something inaudible under his breath.
John gratefully
dropped the last container on the hover conveyor. "That's
it, all done!"
"So we
gonna have a party then!" heralded Chiana, a beaming smile
splashing across her grey features, jet eyes gleaming even more
than usual.
"The word,
Pip," John said. "is par-tay"
"Whatever,"
Chiana shrugged. "As long as I get very drunk, I don't care
what you call it."
"It is
a celebration," Rygel corrected.
"Yeah,
we heard," John followed, kicking the conveyor into gear.
"How's the food going. Chi?"
"Yes,
how is the food?" Rygel repeated, back on to his favourite
topic.
"Nearly
done, and lots of it!"
"Excellent!"
beamed the Hynerian. "Did you manage to cook the Lepor cloves?
I swear girl, ifyou overcooked them...!"
John grimaced.
"Ugh! Don't like the sound of those at all."
Rygel frowned.
"Lepor cloves are a rare and expensive delicacy."
"Does
that mean they're going to taste like dren?" D'Argo inquired.
Rygel ignored
the Luxan. "You should all be frelling grateful. If it wasn't
for me, there wouldn't be a party in the first place."
"Par-tay,"
Chiana corrected.
"Whatever,"
Rygel dismissed. "Just remember if I hadn't beaten that
Mikorian on A'aa'nus, we wouldn't have been able to afford any
of this. And do you know how hard it is to beat a Mikorian at
Xana squares? They have three brains, you know?"
"Yeah,
but they don't cheat," said John.
"Cheat!"
grumbled Rygel. "Well, I never!"
Chiana clipped
the floating Hynerian around the ear. "You're not fooling
anyone, your RoyalSlugginess!"
Rygel smiled.
"Too frelling right I cheated! How else was I going to beat
him? Did no-one hear me mention the three brains?"
Everyone laughed.
They all felt better for it. Recently, things had been very tense
aboard Moya, not least between D'Argo and Chiana, and with Zhaan
deteriorating by the microt, everybody needed something to cheer
them up. When Rygel had first suggested the 'celebration', nobody
had been in favour of it, save Aeryn. She surprised them all
by backing the Hynerian, and gradually they all succumbed. All
they had needed was some food and some drink. That had required
currency, and thanks to the conniving Rygel they had plenty.
The celebration was set, and now everyone was looking forward
to it.
"So lets
get this stuff up to the Pilots den and hopefully we can force
Chiana's muck down our throats!" concluded Rygel, about
turning and heading out the transport hangar.
"Amen
to that!" chorused John as he began to manoeuvre the conveyor
after the Hynerian.
* * *
A table was
set up in the den. Pilot had protested about the need for him
to participate, but the crew were having none of his nonsense.
Pilot was glad they had protested, but he kept that to himself.
It would no do for him to show how much he enjoyed there company.
Then they'd be there all the time! How would he ever get any
work done?
Chiana, aided
by John and Aeryn brought up dish after dish of exotic foods.
There was something for everyone. From Rygel's cloves, to a passable
attempt at deep fried chicken wings for John. They were more
accurately Jobi wings, but John was of the school of thought
that said, if you closed your eyes then everything tasted like
chicken.
It was a fine
spread, and everyone congratulated the Nebari on a job well done,
save D'Argo. With heating units to keep the food warm, and cooling
units to keep the Koolan juice cold, in place, everybody settled
down to the celebration.
Pilot, sat
and watched. Stark and Zhaan, close together, Zhaan, clearly
showing the strain, as Stark coddled her at every opportunity.
John and Aeryn, the occasional glance and smile passing between
them as they ate. D'Argo, concentrating more fully on eating
than was necessary, avoiding eye contact with Chiana at all costs.
Rygel, oblivious of anything but the food, offering the occasional
complaint, but appearing generally satisfied. Chiana, more subdued
than usual, her eyes rising fleetingly to gaze at the Luxan.
Conversation
was slow, at first, but as the Koolan juice flowed, and the satisfying
meals began tosettle in there bellies, they began to talk.
Penises,
Qodongs and Jeff Goldblum..
"I'm telling
you, Rygel, that size does not matter!" protested John.
"You would
say that," retorted Aeryn, with a crooked smile.
"Hey!"
John spluttered. "Have you been looking or something?"
"You don't
have to look, John," smiled D'Argo. "It is obvious
for everyone to see!"
Laughter rippled
around the table.
"Now hold
on a microt!" John interrupted. "This is supposed to
be about Rygel and his diminutive stature."
"Watch
it, human," responded Rygel, a fork held menacingly in his
hand.
"What,
Sparky? You gonna stab me in the shin?"
More laughter.
"Boys,
please," said Zhaan. "I'm sure you're all very big
in your own ways!"
Aeryn spat
a piece of Bergit bread across the table.
"I, for
one," insisted D'Argo, "Have no fears in that department."
All eyes turned
to Chiana. She shrugged. "Ya know, I've seen bigger."
D'Argo leapt
to his feet. Such was the slur against him, he inadvertently
broke his self-imposed silence against his former lover. "You
have not!"
Chiana smiled.
"Well, there was this Qodong on Yeres..."
"Qodong?"
gasped Aeryn. "They're nearly twice the size of a Luxan."
Chiana nodded.
"That they are."
Laughter, again,
save form D'Argo, who growled, but returned to his seated position.
"Well,
I know I'm bigger than Sparky," John grumbled, picking at
the last of his Jobi wings.
"Crichton!
I warn you!"
"Easy,
little guy," soothed Chiana. "Don't let big bad John
upset you. He has a self-esteem problem, that's all."
"Self-esteem?
I didn't start this, ya know."
"I am
not built that way, Crichton!'" bemoaned the Hynerian. "And
exactly how many concubines did you have?"
John sighed.
"Look, all I'm gonna say on the matter is, I've never had
any complaints."
"Yeah,
I bet," said Aeryn. "But that's probably because all
earth girls are easy!"
"Say what?!"
John pushed his plate away from him. "Earth girls are not,
I repeat not easy! Just ask Jeff Goldblum."
"Jef Golnbloom?"
queried Stark, deathly serious. "He was with me on Merid
XI. He was on Earth too?"
Chiana giggled,
soon to be joined by the rest of the crew.
"Gold-blum,"
corrected John, his face reddening in frustration, then thinking
better of it, "Forget it! Whatever! I can handle this! So
what if you think I'm deficient. Lets just say, Meredith O'Shaugnessy
had no complaints, and that girl was easy!"
"Calm
down, John. I'm sure on your planet you are more than adequate,"
mediated Zhaan.
"Blue,"
John sighed. "I swear I'll come over there and demonstrate
myself just how adequate John Crichton is!"
Zhaan smiled.
"John, you wouldn't last sixty microts."
"Sixty!"
laughed Rygel. "That's a bit hopeful, isn't it?"
Laughter, once
again.
"I don't
see what the fuss is about, myself," offered Pilot. "The
whole process, as far as I can
tell is a little messy, and lacking in fulfilment."
"How'
exactly would you know, Pilot?" asked D'Argo, still riled
by Chiana's slur.
"Well,
I-" Pilot cheeks flushed purple.
"Don't
think I didn't spot those DRD's, Pilot," said Chiana.
"I have
not, will not....I have never," blurted the flustered Pilot.
"Don't
worry yourself, big guy," Chiana assured. "I always
like to perform before an audience."
Pilot opened his large maw, then thinking better of it, closed
it.
Chiana giggled. "Anyone else wanna watch, just let me know."
"Well,"
began Rygel. "As long as it's not Crichton. I can't find
my magnifying crystal anywhere."
Laughter reigned,
and even John smiled. The celebration was up and running.
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