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Spaceweed
Don't ask.
All far too random and so extremely pointless. This did actually
start out as a fairly sensible fic, but rapidly degenerated into
what it is. It means nothing.
John Crichton
held the cylindrical, black, rolled paper...? "What you
call this again, Chi?"
Chiana giggled
prettily. "It's Sankar Weed. Though most people call it
spaceweed!"
"Spaceweed?
Cool."
Chiana giggled
again. She'd been doing that a lot. Not that John minded too
much, because she sure did look pretty when she giggled.
"You gonna
light up or what?"
John nodded.
Back on Earth he and DK had spent many hours in front of the
N64, smoking weed. His Dad, an avid gardener, grew it for them,
and John had known a genetic scientist called Biff, who genetically
altered the structure of said weed, so that it would not appear
in the random blood tests. Hmmmm...? Sound fair?
Chi giggled
and flipped her hair prettily.
John smiled.
Lacking a lighter, or box of matches, they were forced into using
D'Argo's Qualta Blade on a low setting. It was not an exact science,
as Chiana slightly singed, but nonetheless pretty fringe attested.
Chiana held the Qualta Blade now, the end swaying noticeably.
She had been at the spaceweed for a while, and as John placed
the narf (UT for joint) between his slightly mishapen lips and
turned his head sideways, he couldn't help but feel a slight
attack of nerves. "You sure about this, Chi?" he asked
out the corner of his mouth. "Sure don't wanna lose my face."
Chiana giggled
and did something that made her look pretty. "Don't be silly,
Johnny. Back on Nebari Prime, we used to use flame throwers.
I'm an expert! Trust me!"
John nodded
reluctantly, just as Chiana pulled the trigger. A bolt of Qualta
stuff flew out and blew Johnny's head off. Chiana stared in shock
for a moment, before bursting into a fit of the prettiest gigglesever
seen anywhere in the Universe.
"Babe?"
John quizzed. "You gonna light me up, or what?"
Chiana giggled
prettily. Johnny's head lay by the wall, cocked at an odd angle
so that it seemed to be staring up at the ceiling. The narf was
still in his mouth. "But baby, you've lost your head!"
Johnny nodded.
A bad idea. His almost perfectly spherical head began to roll
towards the doorway. Lacking a body, he was unable to stop the
motion.
Chiana laughed,
her gorgeous bosom heaving.
Just then,
Aeryn came into the room. She spotted John's head rolling towards
her. She stared in shock, for a microt or three, before realising
the opportunity set before her. Hastily slipping on a pair of
Adidas Predator footie boots, she set herself. "Twenty bucks
says I can hit his module," she called to Chiana. The Nebari
nodded prettily. "You're on!"
Aeryn smiled.
She waited until John's head was perfectly positioned before
taking two steps towards it, and swinging her foot. She connected
sweetly, the sound of John's nose breaking filling the room.
Slow motion ensued. John's head arced through the air, seemingly
heading many metres wide of the mark, but Aeryn only smiled,
as it began to curl viciously towards the module. Direct hit!
"Great
shot, Aeryn!" John called from within the module.
Aeryn leapt
into the air, pulling her shirt over her head and then running
around the room. Chiana giggled prettily.
Just at the
moment, Rygel appeared. "What's going on?" he said.
Chiana, sensing
all was not well with the Hynerian, smiled prettily.
Rygel harrumphed,
as he was a frog-like alien and therefore was not attracted to
bipedal, humanoid lifeforms. "What's that?" he said,
pointing to John's headless body. "Is it dinner?"
Aeryn, still
topless, and panting happily, slapped Rygel on the back, knocking
him from his throne. "No, Rygel! That's John's body. He
might be upset."
Chiana giggled
prettily.
Rygel grumbled.
"Get me up!"
Aeryn looked
down at the crawling Hynerian. She smiled and looked over at
Chiana. "Ten bucks?"
Chiana nodded
prettily.
Boot! Once
again, Aeryn seemed way off target, but thanks to the brilliant
design of the Predators, he curled and dipped just in time, landing
with a thwack in John's module.
"Great
shot, honey!" John called.
Aeryn roared
as she did a happy dance.
Chiana giggled
prettily.
At this point,
someone decided that it was all too stupid now, and ended all
existence.
Chiana giggled
prettily.
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