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JOHN: Fine, yes, you're right. We know almost nothing about the Tavloids.

AERYN: Tavleks.

JOHN: Whatever. Tavloid...Tav-. We do know they will pay us to haul cargo which they're not going to do if you go in there doing your John Wayne impression.

AERYN: John Wayne? Who's that? A relative?

JOHN: John Wayne? No, the big guy...True Grit, The Searchers, The Cowboys, Ghengis Khan. Oh no, look, forget about Ghengis Khan...everybody makes a bad movie. But the point is....

AERYN: No! No, the point is that I'm not going to meet that shuttle unarmed. It's as simple as that.

JOHN: Kung Fu...Kung Fu never carried a gun.


RYGEL: I'll argue later. They've docked. Positions please, c'mon now. If you must address me, do so as your 'Supreme Eminence', which you should be doing anyway.


JOHN: Pilot, get a tractor beam on that shuttle.

PILOT: Tractor beam? What's that?

CRICHTON: Graviton field. Attracto ray. Superglue. Whatever it is that you yanked me aboard with.


ZHAAN: Soft, yes. Weak? No.


PILOT: Secure for acceleration. Crichton has an idea.

ZHAAN: Did you say Crichton?


RYGEL: Yeah, well, I've never heard of the Consortium of Trao.

JOTHEB: The imperfection is yours.


JOHN: That's your plan? Wile E. Coyote would come up with a better plan than that.


CRICHTON: No! Absolutely not! There are other things that we can do. We can try negotiating with the Tavloids, we can-

(AERYN hits JOHN with a Pantak Jab)

AERYN: Tavleks!


JOHN: Oh don't 'tsk' me. This is not over with, and when it is, you and I are going to sit down and have a serious talk.

AERYN: Sure. When this is over, you and I will probably be dead.


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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.