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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.

 

 

 

THE SCENE

As filming commences.

 

WHAT WENT WRONG!

BEN: Hey, everyone, it's ok, you don't have to try and 'surprise' me!

KEMPER: Surprise you?

BEN: Yeah. There's no need.

KEMPER: Ben? Um, I'm not sure what you're going on about. Anyone have any ideas?

Much shaking of heads.

BEN: Come on, you guys! I know you've got something planned!

KEMPER: Really, Ben. I don't think anyone has the slightest idea what you're going on about.

BEN: Yeah, right! Ok, I'll give you a hint... 'Happy Birthday to you'...

KEMPER: It's karaoke day? I thought that was Thursday? (to BRIAN) That's thursday, right?

BRIAN: Yeah, I thought it was.

BEN: No! Not that! You guys are such kidders!

KEMPER: (to TRACY, his PA) Karaoke Day is Thursday?

TRACY: Yes, Sir. Every other Thursday.

BEN: (disgruntled) Ok, look! Very funny!

ANTH: No, it's definitely Thursday. And I'd know!

KEMPER: Yeah, I thought so! You going to do 'It's Raining Men' again? You do it really well?

ANTH: (blushes) Well, seeing as you asked so nicely.

BEN: Hello? Anyone listening?

GIGI: Oh, can I do 'American Pie' this time?

KEMPER: Yeah, sure. Tracy, put Gigi down for 'American Pie'.

BEN: (angrily) Hey! This isn't funny anymore! Why's nobody listening to me?!

GINNY: Who wants to do a duet with me? 'I Got You Babe' maybe?

WAYNE: Oh, can I? Please?

GINNY: I dunno, Wayne. You don't really have the range.

WAYNE: I know. But I'm tired of doing Barry White.

BEN: (shouting) It's my damned birthday, ok! Someone? Listen to me!

CLAUDIA: But you do Barry White so well, Wayne.

WAYNE: Ok! (smiles) My public expects!

BEN: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

ROCKNE: I'm definitely going to try 'I Will Always Love You' this time!

KEMPER: Go for it, Rock! If anyone can, you can!

BEN: Screw you all! (storms off set)

KEMPER: What about you, Ben? You going to do 'Barbie Girl' again? Ben? Ben? Hey, where did Ben go?

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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.