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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.

 

 

 

THE SCENE

Miss Sun has just bumped into her old PK buddy Henta at the bar.

 

WHAT WENT WRONG!

CLAUDIA: Will you have a drink with me?

MARTA (HENTA): Thank you... but I only drink with Peacekeepers.

MARTA tosses the contents of her glass at CLAUDIA, but misses, accidentally soaking DAVID (BRACA), who's standing off to one side.

MARTA: Oh, Jesus! Sorry, David.

DAVID stares oddly, his head twitching.

CLAUDIA: You ok, David?

DAVID's twitching becomes jerking.

MARTA: Oh my God! He's having a seizure!

DAVID falls to the fall, his legs kicking out as if he were having an epileptic fit. Incongruously, smoke can be seen curling from his ears, and there is the definite sound of circuits frying.

CLAUDIA: (backs away) David?

DAVID stops twitching. His eyes stare into space, as he suddenly sits bolt upright.

MARTA: What the hell?!

DAVID: (his voice is tinny and emotionless) Error. Five-one-two. Error. Re-boot main systems. Revert to primary settings. Initiate repair procedures.

CLAUDIA: That's not normal.

DAVID climbs to his feet. His head swivels around, as if surveying the territory around him. He does not blink. He sees KEMPER.

KEMPER: (nervously) David? Why are you looking at me like that?

DAVID: Primary mission: Find The Kemper. Eliminate The Kemper. Initiate combat mode. (as he speaks, his arm appears to retract into his shoulder, and a cylindrical, metallic tube extrudes from it in its place)

KEMPER: Oh shit.

DAVID: (strides towards KEMPER, the metal tube pointed directly at his head) Eliminate The Kemper. Eliminate The Kemper. Eliminate The Kemper.

KEMPER: (backs away, stumbling over a chair and falling onto his behind) Somebody help me!

Suddenly, ROCKNE runs onto the set and leaps onto DAVID's back. DAVID attempts to throw him off, but ROCKNE refuses to let go.

ROCKNE: Run, David, it's your only chance!

But KEMPER has long since made his escape. ROCKNE and DAVID tussle for a bit, before DAVID notices KEMPER is no longer on the set. Displaying amazing strength, he finally manages to hurl ROCKNE from his back. Without so much as a glance at ROCKNE, DAVID strides purposefully towards the exit.

DAVID: (halts at the exit, and turns to face the startled cast and crew) I'll be back. (he leaves)

 

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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.