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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.



 Ben Browder (conducted by me, Katie!)


ME: <drools>

BB: Ahem?

ME: <giggles>

BB: <coughs nervously>

ME: <rests a hand on Ben's wonderfully toned thigh>

BB: <glances at his agent> Er, Jim?

ME: <smiles coyly>

BB: Er, um...?

ME: Do you believe in destiny, Ben?

BB: Well, um... <glances at agent again> Though I don't believe everything is pre-ordained, I do feel that in certain circumstances, there could be a phenomena that could be defined as 'guidance'.

ME: <places a finger over Ben's beautifully, pursed lips> Shush, honey. Don't speak.

BB: <shoots a mildly terrified glance at his agent>

ME: I believe in destiny, Ben. I really do. Two people, brought together by circumstance, but destined always to meet. To know eachother. To share hot, slow, passionate love-making...

BB: <whimpers>

ME: Two people, like you and me, sweetie. This interview. Was it chance? Or was it fate that brought us together?

BB: I thought it was Jim.

ME: <smiles> And we thank Jim for doing so, don't we Ben?

BB: Well...yes. I suppose.

ME: Two hearts colliding. Becoming one heart. I see our future Ben. Do you want to know what I see?

BB: Um, not really.

ME: <oblivious to all, save Ben's baby blues> I see us, honey. A tangle of sweaty limbs. An orchestra of orgasmic moans.

BB: Jim?

ME: Do I arouse you, Ben?

BB: Well, you frighten me.

ME: <giggles> Silly boy! Don't be afraid!

BB: Easier said than done.

ME: <slips off her blouse> Do my breasts arouse you? Do you like black lingerie Ben?

BB: Jim!!!????

JIM: Shut up Browder!

ME: Would you like to play with my breasts, Ben?

BB: <makes a sound like a wildebeest as it's brought down by a lioness>

ME: <slips her skirt slowly down over her thighs> Do you like garters, Ben?

DYL: <taking the notes> Hey! Those are mine!

BB: <mouth opens and closes like a fish stranded on a desolate beach>

ME: <straddles Ben, her lips mere centimetres from his perfectly formed ear. whispers> Take me Ben. You can't fight destiny.

BB: Mommy!

ME: Oooh, baby!

BB: As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death....

ME: Would you like to walk through my 'valley', Ben?

BB: <faints>

ME: Ben? Honey?

DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.