Things
you will never hear said on Farscape
Author:
JazzyMegster
Rating: PG, for some language that is prob offensive to someone
out there. . .
Spoilers: Last 4 eps, S3.
Archiving: Ask me. It is only good manners.
· Crichton
to Scorpius: (singing) "I just can't get you outta my head."
· Anyone:
(singing): "People are strange."
· Anyone:
Is it me, or is this just plain weird?
· Crichton
to Scorpius during 'Into The Lion's Den Pt II: Wolf in Sheep's
Clothing' [that'd be series 3, then] (singing): "Hit me
baby, one more time!"
· Natira
to Scorpius, any time before he joined the Peacekeepers: "Yeah,
you'll look really good in leather, baby!"
· Rygel
or Scorpius: (singing) "I feel pretty, oh so pretty."
· Premise:
the crew of Moya make it back to Earth. John approaches the others
at the airport with a doleful look on his face.
John: "Sorry,
guys, Zhaan can't join us."
Crew: "Why
not?"
John: "They
did a drugs test on her and confiscated her as an illegal substance."
· Zhaan:
"I am plant life, hear me roar!"
· Scorpius
to John: "Nah, I was never after the wormhole technology
at all. It was just an excuse to stalk you."
· Stark
(after an argument with Zhaan): (singing) "I talk to the
trees, but they don't listen to me."
· Anyone
except Ben Browder or Kent McCord (in the broadest, most cheesy
Aussie accent you can imagine): "Hey, Bruce, throw another
shrimp on the Barbie."
· Anyone:
*making vomit noises* "I feel travel sick, slow down!"
· Scorpius
(at the Uncharted Territories Intergalactic Library): "Yes,
I'd like to know if the last copy of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide
To Villainy' is still in?"
· John,
when handed a pulse pistol for the first time: "I can't
fire this thing! I wasn't even *taught* to use a firearm on Earth!
Astronauts don't do this sort of thing!"
· Anyone:
"Y'know, I could live off these food cubes. . ."
· Anyone
else: "Yeuch!"
· John
to Scorpius: "You look like you landed in the shallow end
of the gene pool."
· John:
"I'm sure I saw this in a plot of a sci-fi movie once. .
." (Be it B-Movie quality or otherwise)
· Aeryn
(wearing t-shirt, standing next to John): "I'm With Stupid
--->"
· John
receives a message from home. It is in text message style. And
he can't understand it.
· John
(acting kinda spaced out): "Woo, lookit all the pwetty stars!"
· John
to Pilot: "Hey, how come when Moya starbursts, the stars
don't zip past the window like they do when the Enterprise goes
into warp?"
· John:
"All right, I admit it. I stole my wormhole technology from
the Borg's knowledge of trans-warp."
· Anyone:
"Where's the frelling toilet?!"
· The
Uncharted Territories Intergalactic Library send a holo to Scorpius:
"Your copy of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide To Villainy' is
now 8 cycles and 9 months overdue."
· Aeryn:
"Sod this, I'm fed up of blasting people's brains out. I'm
hanging up my pulse pistol and chilling out in a three year bath."
· Rygel:
(when faced with imminent death) "Bring it on, baby!"
· John:
"These food cubes taste just like chicken."
· John:
"Or Quorn(TM)."
· John:
(singing to the tune of 'Jilted John' by Jilted John) "Scorpy
is a moron, Scorpy is a moron." (i.e. the bit where it's
"Gordon is a moron")
· Anyone
except Aeryn after John's had an argument with her, singing "Jilted
John." (Which would then lead to "Aeryn is moron, Aeryn
is a moron.")
(If you haven't heard "Jilted John", go out and rent
"The Best Punk Album in the World. . .Ever 2" - it's
on the second CD of that. Right, that's my plug for the day over
with!)
· John
to Scorpius: "Didn't you used to be Davros in Doctor Who?"
· John:
"I'm allergic to food cubes."
· Rygel:
"I'm allergic to food."
· Zhaan:
"Argh! The light! It burns! It burns!"
· Pilot:
(singing) "Moya's taking us to the zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow,
zoo tomorrow. Moya's taking us to the zoo tomorrow, we can stay
all day."
· Any
of the Aussie cast: "Sod this spaceship lark, we're all
off to take bit parts in 'Home and Away' where no one will recognise
us."
(Yes, this is a slight dig at Wayne Pygram [sorry!]. Didya see
'im?! Didya?! Didya?! - This will only apply if you aren't American).
· Anyone:
"Y'know, standing here holding this pulse pistol is giving
me cramp."
· Braca:
"Y'know, standing here like I've got a stick up my backside
is giving me cramp."
· Rygel:
"I'm a coward, hear me whine!"
· Braca:
"I'm a kiss-arse, watch me grovel."
· Translator
Microbes: (singing) "Life with the amoebas, no one can see
us, 'cause we're small, very very small." (You will only
get this if you used to watch British kids' TV on ITV about seven
years ago. . .OK, maybe it's just me then).
· Moya
to crew: All right, that's it. I've had enough. Go on, piss off
the lot of you!"
· Any
of Moya's crew before taking a transport pod to a planet: "What's
it say in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy' about this place?"
· Anyone
to Rygel, Pilot, or even a Scarran: "You frelling Muppet!"
· Scorpius:
"John, I *am* your father!"
John: "No!
No! That's not true!"
Scorpius: "Come
with me, and we can rule the Uncharted Territories as father
and son!"
· Stark:
"I am mental, hear me rave!"
· PK
slogan: "I kill, therefore I am."
· Xhalax:
"Oh my God, Aeryn, it's so good to see you! Come and give
your mother a hug!"
· Jack
to John, after the crew's arrival on Earth: "Are you sure
she's an alien? 'Cause that sounds like she's talking backwards
with an Aussie accent."
· Scorpius:
"OK, I'm lying. I'm your brother, not your father."
John: "Ew.
I don't know which is worse."
· PK
slogan: "Hell is other people, so get rid of them, before
they get rid of you."
· John:
"Y'know, Stark, anyone who says they're mad isn't to be
believed. I think, however, in your case we can make an exception."
· Stark:
"Wow, I'm sane!"
Rest of the
crew: "I'll believe *that* when I see it."
· Before
Scorpy joined the Peacekeepers, he had a job on a commerce planet
as a coolant rod juggler.
· Aeryn:
"Oh yay! My mother's coming to visit us with a retrieval
squad!"
· Harvey:
(singing) "I think I'm a clone now. . ." (You know,
the weird Al Yankovic song)
· Scorpius:
"Look, John, let's forget all the wormhole technology business.
I just wanna be your best friend!"
· Scorpius
(threatening John): "I know where you live!"
· John:
(acting strange again) "The DRDs are calling my name!"*
· Stark:
"I'm really sorry, Zhaan. I seem to have developed the worst
case of hay fever."
· John:
"Frell. Where exactly *do* you hide a Leviathan?"
· D'Argo:
"I think I should calm down a bit. All these Luxan hyper
rages can't be good for my health."
· Anyone:
"Never mind the toilet, where's the frelling bathroom?!"
· Scorpius:
(in best Teletubby voice) "Big hug!"
· Braca:
"Hey, whaddya mean it looks like I have no neck?" (There's
a screen cap on FS World, from S3's "Incubator" that
explains this. . .)
· Anyone
that has to wear contacts for their part: "Whaddya mean
it looks like I'm on drugs?!"
· John:
(while Moya is hiding in asteroid field at the end of S1) "Didn't
they do this in Star Wars once? They got eaten by a giant space
worm. That won't happen to us, will it?" Any random psychic:
"Not yet, John Crichton. Not for a season and a half."
John: "Eh?!"
· Zhaan:
"Goddamnit! I am *so* fed up of always being the nice guy
all of the time! Frell the lot of you!"
· Scorpius:
"Why with the shippyness? Why does no one ever do shippy
for me?"
· Stark:
"Nuts? Me? Not on your Nelly!"
· John:
(replying to Scorpy, above) "I'll tell ya why. 'Cause you're
evil! You don't deserve a ship!"
Aeryn: "Which
explains why Crais blew up his Command Carrier, right?"
John: "Damn
right!"
Scorpius: (w/
quivering lip and everything) "I'm gonna tell my mommy on
you."
John: "You
can't, she's dead."
Scorpius: "Haven't
you ever heard of Ouija boards?"
John: *stalks
off into background muttering like Daffy Duck when he's on one*
· Stark:
"I'm not mental, I'm just not sane."
· Zhaan:
(getting ticked off at all the crew coming to her with their
ailments) "I'm not your personal pharmacy, y'know!"
· Scorpius:
"Sod this, I'm giving up chasing Crichton, and going off
to farm sheep."
. Rygel: "Talk
to the hand, 'cause the face ain't listening!"
. Stark: "My
side! Your side! My side! Your side! And damned well stay over
there!"
*This can be
explained. Promise. When I was debating for over a week whether
to buy some FS DVDs, I kept saying to my mum "The DVDs are
calling my name!". Needless to say, it irritated the shit
out of her...
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