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© Copyright Dylan Pemberton 2002.





Don't ask. All far too random and so extremely pointless. This did actually start out as a fairly sensible fic, but rapidly degenerated into what it is. It means nothing.


John Crichton held the cylindrical, black, rolled paper...? "What you call this again, Chi?"

Chiana giggled prettily. "It's Sankar Weed. Though most people call it spaceweed!"

"Spaceweed? Cool."

Chiana giggled again. She'd been doing that a lot. Not that John minded too much, because she sure did look pretty when she giggled.

"You gonna light up or what?"

John nodded. Back on Earth he and DK had spent many hours in front of the N64, smoking weed. His Dad, an avid gardener, grew it for them, and John had known a genetic scientist called Biff, who genetically altered the structure of said weed, so that it would not appear in the random blood tests. Hmmmm...? Sound fair?

Chi giggled and flipped her hair prettily.

John smiled. Lacking a lighter, or box of matches, they were forced into using D'Argo's Qualta Blade on a low setting. It was not an exact science, as Chiana slightly singed, but nonetheless pretty fringe attested. Chiana held the Qualta Blade now, the end swaying noticeably. She had been at the spaceweed for a while, and as John placed the narf (UT for joint) between his slightly mishapen lips and turned his head sideways, he couldn't help but feel a slight attack of nerves. "You sure about this, Chi?" he asked out the corner of his mouth. "Sure don't wanna lose my face."

Chiana giggled and did something that made her look pretty. "Don't be silly, Johnny. Back on Nebari Prime, we used to use flame throwers. I'm an expert! Trust me!"

John nodded reluctantly, just as Chiana pulled the trigger. A bolt of Qualta stuff flew out and blew Johnny's head off. Chiana stared in shock for a moment, before bursting into a fit of the prettiest gigglesever seen anywhere in the Universe.

"Babe?" John quizzed. "You gonna light me up, or what?"

Chiana giggled prettily. Johnny's head lay by the wall, cocked at an odd angle so that it seemed to be staring up at the ceiling. The narf was still in his mouth. "But baby, you've lost your head!"

Johnny nodded. A bad idea. His almost perfectly spherical head began to roll towards the doorway. Lacking a body, he was unable to stop the motion.

Chiana laughed, her gorgeous bosom heaving.

Just then, Aeryn came into the room. She spotted John's head rolling towards her. She stared in shock, for a microt or three, before realising the opportunity set before her. Hastily slipping on a pair of Adidas Predator footie boots, she set herself. "Twenty bucks says I can hit his module," she called to Chiana. The Nebari nodded prettily. "You're on!"

Aeryn smiled. She waited until John's head was perfectly positioned before taking two steps towards it, and swinging her foot. She connected sweetly, the sound of John's nose breaking filling the room. Slow motion ensued. John's head arced through the air, seemingly heading many metres wide of the mark, but Aeryn only smiled, as it began to curl viciously towards the module. Direct hit!

"Great shot, Aeryn!" John called from within the module.

Aeryn leapt into the air, pulling her shirt over her head and then running around the room. Chiana giggled prettily.

Just at the moment, Rygel appeared. "What's going on?" he said.

Chiana, sensing all was not well with the Hynerian, smiled prettily.

Rygel harrumphed, as he was a frog-like alien and therefore was not attracted to bipedal, humanoid lifeforms. "What's that?" he said, pointing to John's headless body. "Is it dinner?"

Aeryn, still topless, and panting happily, slapped Rygel on the back, knocking him from his throne. "No, Rygel! That's John's body. He might be upset."

Chiana giggled prettily.

Rygel grumbled. "Get me up!"

Aeryn looked down at the crawling Hynerian. She smiled and looked over at Chiana. "Ten bucks?"

Chiana nodded prettily.

Boot! Once again, Aeryn seemed way off target, but thanks to the brilliant design of the Predators, he curled and dipped just in time, landing with a thwack in John's module.

"Great shot, honey!" John called.

Aeryn roared as she did a happy dance.

Chiana giggled prettily.

At this point, someone decided that it was all too stupid now, and ended all existence.

Chiana giggled prettily.

DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.