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Chapter Seven



Darien, Snarky British Chick, Eberts, Monroe, and Hobbes were in the Official's office, talking about the Philosophy of cheese. Suddenly, Darien spotted something strange on the east wall of the Official's office. After approximately four seconds, Darien realized that it was a Cordhole because he was so amazingly smart and perfect in every way. "Hey guys, look, big blue thing." He said nonchalantly. Everyone looked and then asked him what it was, and, since he was so amazingly smart and perfect in every way, he told them that it was a Cordhole that lead to an alternate dimension where Movies Are Real. After he told them this, everyone got really excited about it while Darien just looked really handsome and put more gel in his perfect hair.

"Darien," Snarky British Chick began, "do you know what this means? This means that we could go through and get documentation of this and prove to the world that Cordholes really do exist which is something that I've longed to do ever since I was a very young girl growing up in England which is how I got this ridiculous accent and also every TV show has to have at least one character with a British accent for instance Farscape does and it won the Saturn award six million times do you see what I mean but actually Invisible Man has me and we got canceled!"

"Or," Darien said, "we could just go through and find a way to get the gland out of my head."

"Oh, right, that too," said Snarky British Chick.

And then, Snarky British Chick, Darien, and Hobbes jumped through the Cordhole. The Official, Eberts, and Monroe were unable to go because they were nailed to their chairs and also because Dakki just couldn't contend with eleven fictitious characters yelling at her about continuities in the fic.


"Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine..." said the radio.

"You're right. That is the most stupid thing I've ever heard." Aeryn said, beginning to think that Crichton was actually quite bright compared to a lot of humans.

John and Aeryn were sitting in a taxi cab on their way to the metropolitan museum of art, where they were going to spend the night, seeing as the majority of New York hotels didn't accept food cubes. Dakki and Lilo were sitting on the roof of the cab trying to hack into the White House computer system on Dakki's laptop, only it proved to be quite challenging because Dakki had forgotten to install AOL.

"Then HOW THE HEZMANA did they pay for the frelling cab?" Al Roker demanded.

"What?? Where did that come from??" Dakki said, confused.

"Oh, that's Al Roker. He won't give me three wishes." Said Lilo.

"Oh." Said Dakki.

"He's the good fairy of weather, you see," Lilo said dismissively.

Dakki was about to ask Lilo what she had been smoking, but just then Darien fell through the roof of the cab and into Aeryn's lap.

"Hello..." Aeryn said, surprised at this sudden plot development. She briefly considered shooting him, but decided against it because he was perfect in every way.

"Hi! I'm Darien," He said, extending his hand to her and making no move to vacate her lap.
But before Aeryn could answer the cab pulled up in front of the Met, which was good because Aeryn couldn't have answered anyway as she was transfixed by his perfect biceps, and Lilo was about to lungeat Darien.

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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.