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Chapter
Six
NEW
YORK, NEW YORK, WHAT A WONDERFUL TOWN
Once D'Argo
had stopped thinking that he was a valley girl and Aeryn had
gotten all of the pink ribbons out of her hair, the question
arose of whether they should go and explore New York City or
justsit on the Carpathia for another two solar days and listen
to Dakki babble about Darien. Needless to say, they decided that
they would have a look around.
As soon as
they got off the boat, Chi decided that she wanted to go to the
big tall spiky building. The crew decided to split up, with Chiana,
Jack, and D'Argo going to the Empire State Building, Aeryn and
John going to Central Park, and Rygel going to Tiffany's to look
at the shiny things.
******************************
As it turned
out, just getting to the top of the Empire State Building was
an ordeal. D'Argo (who seemed to finally be back to normal) thought
that going on the elevator was for wimps, and decided to climb
all eighty-six flights of stairs.
About one third
of the way up, Chi wasn't looking too good and Jack had gone
to the gift shop about twenty minutes ago. "DAKKI, WHY ARE
YOU DOING THIS TO US???" Chi yelled, out of breath. "Couldn't
you just have him take the elevator???" Unfortunately, Dakki
was in the kitchen making a sandwich, so she didn't hear the
blood-curdling screams of an exhausted Nebari.
"Honestly,
I don't know what the fuss is about!" D'Argo said. "When
I was a young Luxan, we had to walk to school every day, uphill
both ways, in the snow! And we didn't have shoes! We had to stand
in Cow pies to keep our feet warm.er, Dakki? We didn't HAVE any
cows."
"Budong
pies, then," Dakki said absently, "by the way, do you
happen to have any mustard?"
D'Argo was
about to point out that they didn't have any Budong pies either,
and even if they did he wouldn't stand in them even if his feet
were about to fall off, since everyone knows that Budong pies
are made primarily out of semi digested Bannick slaves, but right
then Chiana fainted.
"Hmm. Maybe I SHOULD take the elevator".
*********************************************
At this point,
Rygel was having a positively lovely time at Tiffany's. He was
just looking at an exquisite six-million carat diamond ring when
a girl eating a croissant and orange juice came up to him. At
this point, Rygel realized that he hadn't eaten for two arns,
so he decided to get steal some food from the girl. Of course,
she was too quick for him.
"Oh, hello!"
she said, apparently not noticing that the subject of her interest
was very close to either biting her ear off or spitting on her.
"I'm Holly
Golightly! I come here to eat breakfast whenever I have the mean
reds. What's YOUR name? My brother's name is Fred. Do you mind
if I call you Fred?...I'm really from a little town called Tulip,
and my real name is Lulamae.poor Fred!" after delivering
this stunning monologue, she burst into tears and then ran off
to find her cat.
However, while
this was very entertaining, Rygel still had to face the problem
of getting some nosh.
***************
"Oh, John......"
Aeryn said happily, "It's so romantic here."
"Um, Aeryn,
I, ahh, well-I mean-"
"Whatever
you have to say, John, it can wait."
"But,
Aeryn, you-well, you see-"
"John,
I'll be frank"
"I thought
your name was Aeryn."
"Shut
up and kiss me."
After an absolutely
perfect John-and-Aeryn kiss (somewhere between the one right
after she died and the one on Talyn when John was showing Aeryn
his star charts.okay, maybe I'm a little obsessed.) John still
had a bone to pick with Aeryn.
"Um...Aeryn?"
"What
is it, John?"
"You might
want to put your pulse pistol away. People are looking at you
a little strangely..."
Just then,
Dakki's friend Lilo wandered over, and began having conniptions,
right on the pigeon crap-speckled lawns of central park.
"DAKKI!!!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" she shrieked.
"Uhhhhhh...peanut?"
John asked, "Or I could just take my shirt off again."
"Nope,
no good..." Dakki said cheerfully, helping herself to John's
peanuts, "She thinks you're too furry. And also that your
eyes are too small."
"Well
then what DOES she like?????" a thousand enraged fanfic
readers roared.
"Darien.
Duh." Dakki said, "And why am I referring to myself
in third person? she asked curiously.
"It sounds
better." Aeryn said, "So, why was Lilo having conniptions?"
"She wants
me to put Darien in my fanfics. Actually, she had this Idea that
I should go into an alternate dimension Where Television Shows
Are Real."
"That'd
be cool," John said, "I always wanted to meet Darien."
"Yeah,
but you see..." Dakki began "I'd also have to incorporate
Hobbes and The Official and Alex and Snarky British Chick and
everything. And you wouldn't really want to deal with them. And
also, it was easy to do Titanic because basically every person
in the world has seen it, but..."
At this point
Lilo went off to get a hot dog ("Hey, wait a minute, I'm
vegetarian!" Lilo said rudely.
"Put on
your thinking thingy" Dakki said, exasperated, "Hot
dogs contain absolutely no food.
They're made
out of boots and sorcerer's stones and stuff. Duh." "Oh,
right," Lilo said cheerfully) and John and Aeryn went to
join Chi and D'Argo at the top of the Empire State Building.
***************************************
"What...how
did I...what did-" Chi squeaked.
"Shhhh...I
carried you up fifty-six flights of stairs. Isn't the sunset
MAGNIFICENT, Jothee?"
"Oh, frell,
not this again." Chi said angrily. "Actually, why am
I saying 'again'? D'Argo did this in
'They've got
a secret', which was episode ten, and I came aboard Moya in 'Durka
Returns', which was episode fifteen."
"Good
job," said Dakki, and gave Chi a cookie.
"So can
you make him quit doing that?" Chi asked sweetly.
"Sure,"
Dakki said, and waved her magic...er...tofurky.
"Shhh...I
carried you up fifty-six flights of stairs. Isn't the sunset
MAGNIFICENT, Chiana? By the way, I think we should get back together."
"YAY!"
Chiana said, "THANK YOU, DAKKI!!!!"
Suddenly, Aeryn
and Crichton emerged from the top floor gift shop.
"HOW did
you get here so FAST??" Chi said, amazed.
"We took
the elevator, stupid." Aeryn said. "what the Yatz did
you do?"
"We...took
the stairs." D'Argo said, confused.
"Oh, by
the way, we found this on the ground floor. He's yours, right,
Pip?" John said, handing over the leash that secured He-Man
Jack to Chiana.
"Hmmm..."
Chi mused, "well, I'm really sorry, but I'm bored of you
now, so I'm going to have to let you go."
"Woof?"
said He-Man Jack.
"Bye-bye!"
Chiana said happily, dumping Jack off the top of the empire state
building. He would eventually fall in through the roof of the
deli where Harry and Sally were eating, but that's another story.
******************************
At this point,
Rygel was motoring along fifth avenue, wondering where he could
get some good caviar, when suddenly, a strange looking girl wearing
combat boots and a shirt that said "Tree hugger" on
it bumped into him.
"Hey!"
Said the strange looking girl, "I'm Lilo! Don't call me
that!"
"Sorry,"
Dakki sniffed.
"Hmm..."
Rygel said, his mouth watering, "What's that?"
"It's
a hot dog," Lilo said, confused. "Here do you want
it? They taste kinda crappy. I mean, I only bought it because
I..." but of course by this time Rygel had eaten it and
ran away looking for more, leaving Lilo to talk to no one in
particular for fifteen minutes and then run off to see if she
could find any pictures of Darien without his shirt on so she
could blow them up and put them above her bed.
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