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ONE
DAY ON MOIA
Author's
Note: I got the idea for this fic one day about a monen (kids,
you know you're obsessed when you start throwing scaper jargon
into everyday conversations without knowing it) ago when I found
some bboards that could only be described as incredible. They
talked all about Zhargo, Xann, Erin Sune (who's mum, Zalaks,
had apparently just died), Jon Kryton, Moia, Geana, and The Guy
With The Black Ponytail. So I thought, hey, if I coupled an amazing
lack of knowledge of the show with a cheesy storyline, really
bad grammar and spelling (just cuz those are two of my biggest
pet peeves), and nonexistent plot then I would getwellsomething
remarkably like Lexx (sorry to Lexx fans, butit's true). However,
I would also get a prototype of the worst Farscape fic possible
for anyone to write. So here it is, kids. And if you can come
up with something worse, thenwellit would have to be a Lexx fic.
ONE DAY ON
MOIA
An Intentionally
Bad Farscape Fic By Dakki
One day on
Moia Erin and Jon were sitting in the mess hall eating some food
cubes. It was pretty tense, cuz Zalaks had just died and erin
was sad. Jon was trying to cheer her up, but it wasnt working."Come
on, erin" he said, trying to get her to smile "I loved
you the minute I met you. Wats wrong?"
but before
erin could anser krase walked in.
"Hey guys"
Krase said. 'are you ok?"
"we're
as alright as we could be, krase." Erin said, munching thoughtfully
on her foodcubes. "say did you just feel Moia move oddley?"
"yeah
come to think of it erin you are correct." Jon said, "it
seemed like Moia did move oddly."
"id better
talk to pilot," Krase said, pointing his face towards the
clamshell."Pilot can you here me."
"yes I
can here you krase. what is up?" Pilot said his face appearing.
"Moia
just moved weirdly" erin said, "is anything wrong?'
"I don't
know erin that is a good question though." Pilot said, "you
should ask rigele. He is the captain after all."
'oh. You are
right pilot," jon said thoughtfully, "I had not thought
of that. RIGELE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he yeled.
"what
is it what is it??" rigele exclamed as he ran into the mess
hall.
"Rigele
we need your help!" erin scremed. " we felt moia move
strangely and we wanted you're help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ok I
can help you" rigele said "get some weapons, and enough
food and water to last us 2 weeks. Also find Xann, Zhargo, and
Geana. Ztarx is on talon so we can't bring him. Then we will
all go in erin's prowler and go to the outside of moia to see
what is wrong and we will fix it!!!!!!" rigele said.
"o rigele,
I knew you would think of something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Erin said,
"I will get started!!"
***
About fortyfive
minutes later, jon had Alerted Xann, Zhargo, and Geana, and Erin
and Krase had got the food & water. Many arns had passed.
They all piled into erins prowler and rigele jumped in and turned
the key in the ignition. They lifted off the ground and shot
off into space. It took a while to get far enough away from moia
to see wat was wrong cuz erin kept forgetting her lipstick on
Moia so they had to go back n get it. Finally they got very far
away and they could all see what the problem was. The problem
was this: a big flying saucer with green & red lights was
attacking moia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"ohno
what will we do??" erin cried.
"dont
worry" krase said, "rigele will think of something
to do!"
"I know
what we will do!!!" rigele exclamed "we will go onto
the ship and ask politely that they stop attacking Moia."
He said.
"oh rigele
you are so smart!!!!" Geana said thoughtfully "what
a good captain you are!!'
"well
I guess we should go and ask them to stop!" Zhargo said
"I hope they are nice! Then we can maybe have lunch with
them!'
"lunch
would be great!" Xann said thoughtfuylly
"yes"
jon agreed "I have a hankering for sandwitches!!"
"me too"
erin said.
"okay
then we are going on the ship" rigele said as he put erins
prowler in the flying saucer. As soon as they got out the aliens
came to meet them!! They had big green heads and eyes and they
were very green!
"hello"
Zhargo said, "we noticed that you were attacking our ship
and we were wondering if could you please stop doing that if
you dont mind?"
"yes!"
krase agreed "we do not like to have our ship attacked!!"
"we are
sorry" said one of the aliens 'but we will keep attacking
you're ship because we want to and you cant stop us you silly
peopples!! Now we will put you in prison!! Then we will grind
your bones to make our bread!! Ha! Ha!!!! Ha!"
"oh no
jon!!! Now wat wil we do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"I do
not know," jon said as the aliens began to drag them away
"I do not know."
***
many arns later,
they were still in the cell!!
"oh jon
what will we do??" erin said as she paced around the room.
She was beginning to be upset! She did not want her bones ground
to make bread!!
"I do
not know how to get out," jon admitted "but I do know
one thing" he said drawingher in and holding her close "but
I do know one thing: I love you. I will always love you. And
if I am going to die, I want one last night with you!!"
"oh, jon!"
erin whispered kissing jon.
"look
you guys!!" Xann said loudly "look wat I have! I will
save you all!"
everybody looked up. Xann had been very quiet lately, and they
wanted to know wat it was!
"what
is it" rygel asked egerly
"yes what
is it??" krase inkwired!
"well"
xann said pulling a gun out of her sleeve "before we left
erins prowler I took this gun!! Now we dont have to be bread!"
before anyone
could even thank Xann she shot down the door then ran out and
shot all the aliens
"DIE ALIENS!!!!!!!!!"
she shrieked amidst the carnage!
"oh xann
you are my hero!!" erin yelled running up and hugging xann!
Then they all
went in the transport pod and went back to moia, and then they
all had a delicious lunch. They ate lots of sandwitches. Then
erin & jon kised and walked into the sunset
THE END!!
A million shout-outs
to Iris Green, T'eyla Minh, and last but certainly not least,
the one and only Pippa.
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