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The Perils Of Discussing Popular Culture With Fictional Characters Who May Very Well Turn Out To Be Music Critics In Another Life(8)


This one isn't my fault. You guys told me to keep writing, so I wrote. Don't blame me if it makes no sense. Well, okay, I guess you can blame me, because who else is there to blame? I mean, aside from Bongo, who I blame for everything anyway.


Chapter 1


"I never wanna hear you say, I want it that way" Corde crooned as she sat at her computer. Aeryn came up behind her and smacked her upside the head. "OW!" screamed Corde. "What the frell did you do that for?"


"Don't sing that song," said Aeryn.


"WHAT song?" asked Corde, still rubbing the back of her head.


"THAT song," said Aeryn.


"Oh. Sorry," said Corde. "It was an accident. I hate that song. I won't do it again."


"See that you don't," Aeryn warned, the PK mentality showing in her face.


Corde typed in silence for a few more minutes. She was working on a Farscape fic. After a while, she started to hum softly. Then she began singing. "Heartbreaker, you got the best of me, and I just keep on coming back incessantly" Aeryn smacked her upside the head again.


"Don't sing that either," she told Corde.


"OW! Yeah, sorry. I can't seem to help it for some reason" said Corde pitifully.


"Try," said Aeryn.


She worked quietly for a time. Then, for no reason, she suddenly belted out, "You drive me crazy! I just can't think" and Aeryn smacked her upside the head. "Thanks Aeryn. I don't know what I would do without you," Corde said gratefully.


"Not much," said Aeryn. "You'd be infinitely less entertaining, for one."


"You got that right," said Corde. Just then, Crichton wandered in ("Sheesh!" said Chia. "More wandering! This has got to be the wanderingest group of characters around." "Shut up, Chia Pet. Who's the author here?" growled Corde.) wearing headphones. He was singing.


"Hit me baby one more time!" he sang with feeling. Aeryn hit him. Crichton fell to the floor, out cold.


"That was easy enough," she said, dusting her hands off. Corde nodded her agreement and went back to her fic.


After a few minutes, she stopped. "This just isn't working."


"Hmm?" Aeryn asked absently, studying Crichton's pecs from where he had fallen on the floor.


"I can't write. It's not working. There's nothing there. It won't happen," Corde overexplained.


"What?" Aeryn asked, looking up from Crichton. "What do you mean? Let me see," and she went over to the computer and read over Corde's shoulder. "Oh," she said when she had finished reading. "I see what you mean. You keep singing bad songs, and I keep hitting you. Not much of a plot there"


"I know," said Corde, "that's my point. I can't think of a plot."


"Not that you usually have one," said Chia Pet. "And are you ever going to stop calling me that?"


"Not as long as you keep insulting my fic," Corde answered sweetly, "so get used to it."


D'Argo limped into the room. "Hey," Chiana remarked with surprise, "he's not wandering."


"My feet hurt too much to wander," D'Argo complained. "What happened? I feel as though my feet have been run over by many hundreds of DRDs."


No one looked at him. After a few more grumbles, he limped off to soak his feet.


"Wuss," said Zhaan. Everyone dissolved into giggles.


Chapter 2


Aula Naevia was translating Virgil's "Aeneid" one day when she came upon a curious word. "Book 1 line 50!" she exclaimed. " 'Corde' is an actual Latin word!" But since Naevia had never been a very good Latin student, she didn't know what the word meant. So she looked it up. "Check this out!" she exclaimed. " 'Cordax, cordacis, m; indecent dance. Hmm, it sorta looks like 'corde,' but it doesn't decline right. Ah, here it is. 'Cor, cordis, n: heart.' So 'corde' means 'by/with/from the heart.' Fun."


"Better than 'wuss,'" said Zhaan.


"Too right," said Naevia. Then she did a double take. "Hey, where did you come from?"


Chapter 3


Aeryn was trying to solve a mystery. "So Corde, why did you start to sing all those bad songs?"


Corde shrugged. "I watched the Billboard Music Awards," she said. "I didn't mean to. It was an accident."


"Ah-HA!" Aeryn said with satisfaction. "Then my Britney Spears theory is correct!"


"What, the one where she's a skank?" Corde asked maliciously. ("Can I say skank in this?" Corde asked. "Sure," Aeryn replied, "it's PG13.")


"No, although she is," Aeryn answered. "The one where the frequency of her music carries an alien brain fungus which makes all listeners addicted to her music, and later receptive to an alien takeover."


"Oh, that," said Corde. "Yeah, everybody knows that."


"Oh," said Aeryn. "Okay then."


Chapter 27


Zhaan kicked Loni Anderson viciously in the ribs. "And THAT," she screamed, "is for 'Munchie Strikes Back'!"


"Whoa," said D'Argo. "She's down for the count."


Chapter 3


Aeryn was trying to solve a mystery. "So Corde, why did you start to sing all those bad songs?"


Corde shrugged. "I watched the Billbo hey, didn't we already do this one?"


Aeryn looked around. "Yeah, I guess we did. Just before we saw Zhaan kicking the dren out of Loni Anderson."


"Good. She deserves it for 'A Night at the Roxbury" if nothing else."


Crichton woke up, shook his head, and turned on his headphones again. He then began jerking his head in time with the music.


"Excuse me," said Aeryn. She went over to Crichton and punched him. He went down and stayed there.


"Excellent form," Corde critiqued. "Perfect arch, wonderful follow-through, that was a ten point floor dive, if I do say so myself."


Aeryn sniffed. "It went a little wobbly around the end."


"That's because he was unconscious before he hit the floor," Corde scolded. "You really need to pull your punches, just enough so that he has a fighting chance. Well," she amended, "not a fighting chance. Just a chance to retain consciousness long enough to execute a decent dive."


"If you say so," said Aeryn. "Hey, I think this fic is long enough now."


Corde looked at the information bar on the screen. "Yep, it's over three pages. I guess that means this is




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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.