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Waxing Philosophical With Fictional Characters Whilst Being Bored To Tears In An Adult Basic Education Class Which Is Full Of Adults And Entirely Too Basic (7)


The first part of this is really part of my life. I'm skipping two years of high school, getting my GED, and entering college during what would traditionally be my senior year in high school. I was in class today, minding my own business, not paying attention, and Aeryn started to talk to me. I have to be in the frelling class for a total of 12 hours, which doesn't seem like much but is forever when it's 3 hours at a time. I have had to take three tests just to qualify for the GED test, and I haven't missed an answer yet. I'm working on the final test (the pre-GED, as opposed to the pre-pre-GED, or the GED assessment test), and then I will be able to get the actual diploma. Everything after Chapter 1 is pure silliness. Oh yeah, and I know nothing about ballet, so if I got it wrong, I'm sorry.


Chapter 1


Corde sighed and put a few more pencil marks on her much-doodled page. The decision to take a year off and home school had been the best one of her life, but she really hated the GED class she had to take. She was so ready for college, now if she would only get accepted she sighed again and kept scribbling her little picture of Xena and Gabrielle stick figures. They had speech balloons with bad grammar. Just like the rest of this class


"Corde," said Aeryn, "stop mocking the GED class. Pay attention. You might learn something."


"That is so wrong in so many ways," Corde disagreed. "I probably won't learn anything I didn't already know. If I do, it will have been an accident on their part. See? That verb tense I just used? They didn't know how to use it. Future Perfect. I knew it in English before I was ten, learned it in Latin two years ago."


"But this class is important for these people," Aeryn advised. "They're really trying to learn."


"Yes, I know," said Corde, "and more power to 'em. But I hate being here. It's BORING!"


"Good practice for life," said Aeryn. "You won't always be surrounded by people as smart as you. I should know," she added, rolling her eyes at Crichton, who had just hit himself in the head with his homemade paddleball.


"Ava save me from being stuck with someone like HIM. How'd he ever get to be a scientist, anyway?"


"Idiot savant," explained Aeryn. "With less savant and more idiot."


"Ah," said Corde. They examined him in silence for a time with intently critical stares.


"He sure is cute though."


"Gods, yes." They watched him some more.


Finally, Corde turned away. "I only have to sit through two more classes after today," she said. "Then I can take the dratted GED test and be done with it."


"Keep telling yourself that," said Aeryn, never taking her eyes off Crichton.


Chapter 3


"What happened to Chapter 2?" wondered D'Argo.


"I don't know. Does anyone really care?" Corde asked the fic at large. No one said anything.


Chapter 2


"Ah, there it is," said Aula Naevia. "Hey, why does the spellchecker know 'Aula' and not 'Naevia'?"


"Beats me," said Corde.


Chapter 4


"Chapters are getting shorter these days," said Crichton. "In my day, we had to walk twenty miles in the snow in each chapter. Uphill both ways. With no shoes, no socks, and no feet."


"Crichton, you idiot. Stop talking. Now."


"Who said that?" asked Corde.


"Uh oh. When the author doesn't know who's speaking, does that mean we have a problem?" asked Chia Pet. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"


"Well, I guess I just didn't decide. It could have been anyone. Even Jaimie," said Corde, right as Jaimie and Tinka walked up.


"Hey goober," Jaimie said to everyone in the fic. "What's up?" Tinka put her hands on her ears and closed her eyes.


"Hey James. Did you just tell Crichton to shut up?"


"I sure did," said Jaimie. "He was pissing me off. He sure is cute though."


"Yeah," said Aeryn, who was fixated on his biceps for some strange reason.


"Uh, Aeryn? You feeling okay?" asked Corde.


"Yeah, I'm fine," said Aeryn, looking up. "I was fixated on his biceps for a minute there, but I'm okay now."


As Crichton tried to figure out whether that was a compliment or an insult, Aeryn and Corde wrapped yellow plastic CAUTION tape around Jaimie's car. Jaimie acted indignant. "Corde, that's the second time this week!"


"I know," giggled Corde, "but I didn't tell the list about it the first time. I thought they might be amused."


"So I get a gift-wrapped car for the amusement of the 'shippers? I see how it is. You like them better than you like me." Jaimie pretended to pout.


"Yep," Corde agreed cheerfully. "They don't make me sit in the back seat."


Jaimie grinned. "Love you, babe. Gotta go, Steve just paged me."


"Love you. And you, TINKA," Corde yelled so Tinka could hear. Tinka nodded and grinned, but didn't open her eyes or uncover her ears. The girls wandered out.


"Hmm, people seem to do a lot of wandering in your fic, Corde," remarked Chia Pet.


"Yes they do. It's my preferred mode of transportation," said Corde.


D'Argo waltzed into the room, wearing a purple tutu. Music swelled in the background. He executed three plies, a neat pirouette, and stood pointe. He grinned hugely and shouted, "I'm DANCING!" before leaping off in a series of grande jetes.


"I did not need to see that," Aeryn stated blandly.


Corde was trying valiantly to hold in a giggle. Her stomach started to hurt.




You can see Ka D'Argo as the Sugarplum Fairy in "The Nutcracker" every Sunday afternoon at 4:30 through 2005.

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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.