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Waxing Philosophical
With Fictional Characters Whilst Being Bored To Tears In An Adult
Basic Education Class Which Is Full Of Adults And Entirely Too
Basic (7)
The first
part of this is really part of my life. I'm skipping two years
of high school, getting my GED, and entering college during what
would traditionally be my senior year in high school. I was in
class today, minding my own business, not paying attention, and
Aeryn started to talk to me. I have to be in the frelling class
for a total of 12 hours, which doesn't seem like much but is
forever when it's 3 hours at a time. I have had to take three
tests just to qualify for the GED test, and I haven't missed
an answer yet. I'm working on the final test (the pre-GED, as
opposed to the pre-pre-GED, or the GED assessment test), and
then I will be able to get the actual diploma. Everything after
Chapter 1 is pure silliness. Oh yeah, and I know nothing about
ballet, so if I got it wrong, I'm sorry.
Chapter 1
Corde sighed
and put a few more pencil marks on her much-doodled page. The
decision to take a year off and home school had been the best
one of her life, but she really hated the GED class she had to
take. She was so ready for college, now if she would only get
accepted she sighed again and kept scribbling her little picture
of Xena and Gabrielle stick figures. They had speech balloons
with bad grammar. Just like the rest of this class
"Corde,"
said Aeryn, "stop mocking the GED class. Pay attention.
You might learn something."
"That
is so wrong in so many ways," Corde disagreed. "I probably
won't learn anything I didn't already know. If I do, it will
have been an accident on their part. See? That verb tense I just
used? They didn't know how to use it. Future Perfect. I knew
it in English before I was ten, learned it in Latin two years
ago."
"But this
class is important for these people," Aeryn advised. "They're
really trying to learn."
"Yes,
I know," said Corde, "and more power to 'em. But I
hate being here. It's BORING!"
"Good
practice for life," said Aeryn. "You won't always be
surrounded by people as smart as you. I should know," she
added, rolling her eyes at Crichton, who had just hit himself
in the head with his homemade paddleball.
"Ava save
me from being stuck with someone like HIM. How'd he ever get
to be a scientist, anyway?"
"Idiot
savant," explained Aeryn. "With less savant and more
idiot."
"Ah,"
said Corde. They examined him in silence for a time with intently
critical stares.
"He sure
is cute though."
"Gods,
yes." They watched him some more.
Finally, Corde
turned away. "I only have to sit through two more classes
after today," she said. "Then I can take the dratted
GED test and be done with it."
"Keep
telling yourself that," said Aeryn, never taking her eyes
off Crichton.
Chapter 3
"What
happened to Chapter 2?" wondered D'Argo.
"I don't
know. Does anyone really care?" Corde asked the fic at large.
No one said anything.
Chapter 2
"Ah, there
it is," said Aula Naevia. "Hey, why does the spellchecker
know 'Aula' and not 'Naevia'?"
"Beats
me," said Corde.
Chapter 4
"Chapters
are getting shorter these days," said Crichton. "In
my day, we had to walk twenty miles in the snow in each chapter.
Uphill both ways. With no shoes, no socks, and no feet."
"Crichton,
you idiot. Stop talking. Now."
"Who said
that?" asked Corde.
"Uh oh.
When the author doesn't know who's speaking, does that mean we
have a problem?" asked Chia Pet. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
"Well,
I guess I just didn't decide. It could have been anyone. Even
Jaimie," said Corde, right as Jaimie and Tinka walked up.
"Hey goober,"
Jaimie said to everyone in the fic. "What's up?" Tinka
put her hands on her ears and closed her eyes.
"Hey James.
Did you just tell Crichton to shut up?"
"I sure
did," said Jaimie. "He was pissing me off. He sure
is cute though."
"Yeah,"
said Aeryn, who was fixated on his biceps for some strange reason.
"Uh, Aeryn?
You feeling okay?" asked Corde.
"Yeah,
I'm fine," said Aeryn, looking up. "I was fixated on
his biceps for a minute there, but I'm okay now."
As Crichton
tried to figure out whether that was a compliment or an insult,
Aeryn and Corde wrapped yellow plastic CAUTION tape around Jaimie's
car. Jaimie acted indignant. "Corde, that's the second time
this week!"
"I know,"
giggled Corde, "but I didn't tell the list about it the
first time. I thought they might be amused."
"So I
get a gift-wrapped car for the amusement of the 'shippers? I
see how it is. You like them better than you like me." Jaimie
pretended to pout.
"Yep,"
Corde agreed cheerfully. "They don't make me sit in the
back seat."
Jaimie grinned.
"Love you, babe. Gotta go, Steve just paged me."
"Love
you. And you, TINKA," Corde yelled so Tinka could hear.
Tinka nodded and grinned, but didn't open her eyes or uncover
her ears. The girls wandered out.
"Hmm,
people seem to do a lot of wandering in your fic, Corde,"
remarked Chia Pet.
"Yes they
do. It's my preferred mode of transportation," said Corde.
D'Argo waltzed
into the room, wearing a purple tutu. Music swelled in the background.
He executed three plies, a neat pirouette, and stood pointe.
He grinned hugely and shouted, "I'm DANCING!" before
leaping off in a series of grande jetes.
"I did
not need to see that," Aeryn stated blandly.
Corde was trying
valiantly to hold in a giggle. Her stomach started to hurt.
THE END
You can see
Ka D'Argo as the Sugarplum Fairy in "The Nutcracker"
every Sunday afternoon at 4:30 through 2005.
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