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Further Adventures of a Total Wuss Who Talks to Fictional Characters Because She is Still Afraid to Turn the Lights Out(6)


Special Appearance by Jaimie and Tinka

I really couldn't tell you where this came from. It's Bongo's fault. He's one sick little monkey, so he forces me to write weird stuff. I don't think this can even be called sillyfic, I think it's badfic. Baaaaaaaadfic. Bad muse. I need a new one. Okay, so I wrote it, and I'm posting it, but you don't have to read it, and I take no responsibility for anyone who is not amused by it.


Chapter 1




Crickets chirping.


Tumbleweed rolling.


"Now wait a minute," said Crichton, "we're in space. Where would we get tumbleweed?"


"I dunno," said Corde, "I was just trying to illustrate how quiet my muse is tonight."


"Who, Bongo? Where is the little bugger anyway?" asked Aeryn.


"I think I saw him wandering off with Chia Pet," Zhaan put in.


"Don't CALL me that!" Chiana's voice came from somewhere else. "Thank you!"


Everyone took a minute to think about the combination of Bongo and Chiana, and shuddered.


"Well drat, what am I going to write about tonight?" complained Corde.


"What is it with you and writing all of a sudden?" asked Aeryn. "We were perfectly fine, then you had to come along and be all weird."


"Um, well, I still can't sleep. That scary movie I had to leave all the lights on in my room last night," admitted Corde.


"Kitty," muttered Aeryn disgustedly.


"What?" Corde asked.


"I think she meant p" Crichton started helpfully.


Corde interrupted before he could do serious damage to the PG rating of the fic. "Look, a living ship!" she shouted, pointing at the wall. While everyone turned to look, she reached over and pinched a tiny bit of skin on Crichton's arm. Hard.


"OW!" Crichton screamed, sounding rather like a girl.


"John!" Aeryn snapped. "Go mop the cargo bay. With your washcloth. And I want to be able to see my face in the floor!"


"Yes, Aeryn," said John, and he slunk away.


"Now Corde, we were discussing your writing" Aeryn began. "Do you really expect us to believe that you are THAT much of a wuss?"


"Yes," said Corde.


"Well we don't," said Zhaan. "No one is THAT wussy."


"I am," Corde insisted. "Ask my friends, they'll tell you."


Jaimie and Tinka walked into the room. Tinka screamed and started hitting Corde. "NO! This is a Farscape fic! I can't believe you put me in a Farscape fic!"


"She's a Xenite," Corde explained, trying to duck. "She doesn't approve of my other obsessions.


Jaimie looked around in awe. "What is this, Star Wars or something? 'Luuuke, I am your faaaaather!'" She looked at Zhaan. "Wow. You're, um, very blue." D'Argo choked on a laugh. Zhaan couldn't decidewho to glare at, so she settled on Corde.


"Farscape, Jaimie. Don't worry about it. Now I need you two to focus for a minute. These guys are going to ask you some questions, and you need to answer truthfully. Can you do that?" she asked Jaimie pointedly.


"Hey, I'm not the one who told my parents I was going to a movie and went to that frat party" retorted Jaimie.


Corde snorted. "I'm not either. That was Andrea."


"Oh yeah." Jaimie shrugged. "Sure, okay. Ask away, weirdos." D'Argo tried to decide if he wanted to take offense at that, but determined it wasn't worth it.


Aeryn took charge. "So, Jaimie, is it? How long have you known Corde?"


"Um, is this a trick question?" Corde glared at her. "Okay, okay. Um, I've known her for about eight years, but I didn't actually talk to her until a few years ago. We have just become really good friends these past few months," said Jaimie.


"In your opinion, would you say she is a wuss?" asked D'Argo.


"Oh yeah," said Jaimie, "big time. We took her to see this movie last night"


"We know," chorused Aeryn, D'Argo and Zhaan.


D'Argo turned to Tinka, who was lying on the floor with her eyes shut and her hands over her ears. "Do we want to try this one?" he asked, nudging her with his booted toe.


"Hey," said Corde, eyeing his foot warily, "go easy on my friends. I don't have that many."


Jaimie walked over to Tinka and smacked her on the back. "Hey goober. Let's get going. I have to pick up Steve in fifteen minutes." Tinka got up from the floor, still with her eyes closed and hands over her ears, and the two girls walked out.


Corde turned to Aeryn. "There, you see? Even my friends say I'm a wuss. You want me to get my brother in here, or would you rather not see me bleed?"


D'Argo started to nod, but Zhaan punched him in the arm. "No bleeding, please. Crichton's not done mopping the cargo bay."


Aeryn sighed. "Well, I guess you really are a wuss, Corde. Sorry I doubted you."


Corde shrugged. "'Sokay. I'm used to it."


"So we went through a page and a half to determine that Corde is a wuss? That was pointless," Pilot remarked.


"Hey, who asked you?" retorted Corde. "Yes, of course it was pointless. But it gave me something to write about. Which kept me from going to bed. Which is what I was trying to do. So it wasn't completelypointless."


Aeryn rolled her eyes. "This fic sucks."


"I know," said Corde.


Aeryn punched her out.




Chapter 2


"No," said Aeryn. "No chapter 2."




Chapter 3


Jaimie, Tinka and Corde were in Jaimie's car, driving home from dropping off Steve. Corde was in the back.


"So do you think I should go out with him?" asked Jaimie.


"Go out with who?" asked Corde.


"Definitely," said Tinka. "He's so nice."


"Who's nice?" asked Corde.


"Yeah, and really cute," giggled Jaimie.


"Who's cute?" asked Corde.


"Do you hear something?" Tinka asked Jaimie.


"Nah," said Jaimie, and she turned up the radio.



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DISCLAIMER: (Don't sue us, we're pathetic) This is so made up. We mean absolutely no offence. We all love Farscape, and the actors and crew involved in making our favourite show. This should be seen for what it is, a tribute. If by some bizarre, and frankly disturbing coincidence Mr. Browder does indeed enjoy the company of voles, then we apologise unreservedly.

Farscape and all it's subsidiary bits are owned by some other people and not us. Anything illegal we do is purely by accident and that includes the credit card scam and Bob's marijuana farm.