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What Happens When A Non-Scaper
Is Assimilated Into A Farscape Fic, And Pooh's Feelings About
It. Okay, The Part About Pooh Is A Lie; He's Not In This Fic.
Maybe Next Time(14)
This one is for Anthony,
because every time I chat with him, he says stuff like, "Hey,
wouldn't that be a great fic? Why don't you write it?" and
I keep saying, "Because I'm not writing fic anymore."
Well, Tinka came over and I sat down and started typing. And
I know this isn't going to be the last one, because I didn't
mention the GED class not knowing when to add "the"
or alberts or my brother. So here's to you, Anth. Hope you dislike
it so you don't keep bugging me.
Chapter 1
"Aeryn," Corde asked
without preamble, "is it egotistical of me to get a kick
out of my own work?"
"If you keep using phrases
like 'without preamble,' you're going to get a kick all right"
Aeryn mumbled from the couch she had been napping on. "On
which I had been napping, thank you. Prepositions do not come
at the end of sentences."
"Common usage rule,"
Corde replied. "Everybody does it, so I can too."
"If everyone jumped off
a cliff" Aeryn began.
"Depends on who 'everyone'
is. If, say, Chia were jumping off a cliff, I'd gladly jump after
her just to make sure she made it to the bottom okay. 'Okay'
meaning 'in several pieces,'" Corde explained. "And
you never answered my question."
"Hey, wait a minute,"
said Bongo, who was really Anthony, who was really Bongo pretending
to be Anthony. "I thought you said you weren't writing any
more."
"I'm not," said Corde.
"What's this then?"
the monkey asked.
"As soon as I figure it
out, I'll tell you," said Corde. "And HEY! You are
still in big trouble for that stunt you pulled with all the shippers'
muses. Get back in your cell."
Aeryn dropkicked Bongo into
next week. "Thank you," said Corde.
"Not a problem,"
said Aeryn.
Chapter 2
Darth Maul and Obi-Wan were
facing off. No wait, they weren't, because I can't write about
that. Sorry, let's try that again.
Chapter 2
Um
Chapter 3
"You've been practicing,"
Aeryn observed. "That was definitely the worst Chapter 2
I've ever read."
"Thank you," said
Corde.
Chapter 4
Tinka was lying on Corde's
bed. Oh, get your minds out of the gutter! She was lounging in
Corde's bedroom as Corde was writing fic. "Wow," said
Tinka. "You really suck at this fic stuff. I didn't say
that!" she added indignantly. "I would never tell you
that your stuff sucked. Well, I would, but I didn't this time."
"I know," said Corde,
"but I needed a plot device."
Everyone groaned. "Oh
no, she's talking about plot devices again!" shouted Zhaan.
"Run away! Run away!"
said everyone else as they ran in fear.
"You know, Tinka, it's
really hard to write when you're breathing down my neck. And
the shippers are going to get the wrong idea," said Corde.
"Must you stand there and watch me type?"
"Duh," said Tinka.
"Yes, I must."
"Go away and let me talk
to Aeryn. We were having a conversation."
"No we weren't,"
said Aeryn. "You were interrupting my nap. Where did Tinka
go?"
"She went to get her shoes,"
said Corde. "We're going out to eat."
"You're leaving?"
Aeryn asked.
"Yep," said Tinka.
"Xena rules, Xena rules, Xena rules."
"Good," said Aeryn.
"Then I can get back to my nap."
Chapter 5
"What chapter was I on?"
Corde asked.
"Chapter 5," said
Tinka. Corde scrolled up to check. Tinka was right. "You
doubt me? Foolish mortal," said Tinka. "Oh yeah, and
Xena rules, Xena rules, Xena rules."
Chapter 6
The girls came back from Joe's
Crab Shack after a very large dinner of seafood. Corde was wearing
a shirt that proclaimed, "Peace, Love & Crabs,"
while Tinka held a double shot glass and wore a hat that asked,
"Got Crabs?"
"Yum," said Tinka.
"Now go wake Aeryn up so you can finish your dumb fic."
"Watch it," Aeryn
hissed without opening her eyes. "I'm still napping."
Tinka stared at Aeryn. "Why
are you so tired all of a sudden?" she asked.
Aeryn shrugged. "I don't
know. Ask the author."
Tinka turned to Corde. "Corde,
why is-"
"I heard you," Corde
snapped.
"I know you heard me,"
said Tinka. "We're in the same room. But I was trying to
help you take up space."
"Fine, okay, whatever,"
said Corde. "Aeryn is tired because I left the keyboard
in the middle of the fic, and for some reason I can't think of
anything to say."
"Never stopped you before,"
observed Tinka.
"HEY," said Corde.
"You don't even READ my stuff, so don't make fun."
"Natalie archived it,
everyone can read it, I have to make sure they all know how bad
it is," Tinka explained.
"Go away," said Corde.
Chapter 7
"Person?"
"Nope."
"Weapon?"
"Yes."
"Used more than once?"
"Yeah."
"Used by Xena?"
"No."
"Gabby?"
"Yep."
"Made out of wood?"
"Probably not"
"Hmm first season?"
"No."
"Second?"
"No."
"Fourth?"
"Yeah."
"India Arc?"
"Yeah."
"Ah. Powder compact."
"Yep!" Corde and
Tinka high-fived. "Good one," Corde said.
"Not really," said
Tinka, "but I needed an easy one for you to put in your
fic. Oh, hey, I really hope the shippers know something about
Xena."
"If not, they won't care,"
said Corde. "My fic doesn't usually make much sense anyway."
Chapter 8
Aeryn smacked Darth Maul upside
the head. She then looked through the hole in her hand and screamed
in pain. "OW! Frelling dren, he's got HORNS!"
Corde shouted, "Medic!"
and Crichton went for the mop. Maul crossed his arms and looked
at Aeryn smugly.
THE END
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