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Caffiene is Bad. Very, Very Bad. 'Nuff Said(11)
I know I said I wasn't gonna write tonight (my head really is killing me, I'm so glad I don't have migraines very often), but I had to. I kept having thoughts, and they were too good not to write about, but I knew they wouldn't be there tomorrow. Plus Anthony gave me a lot of really good ideas. So I wrote. Man, my head really hurts. Am I repeating myself? Oh well, it's 3:30, and this is kinda what it must be like to be drunk. But I didn't have any alcohol. Is it possible to become inebriated by association? And can one be inebriated if one can use that word? And can one have a second personality if one is worried that they do? Or are you only crazy if you think you're sane? (This is the point where Aeryn tells me to shut up.)


Chapter 1


It was one o'clock in the morning. Corde thought that she was being very sneaky.


"And where have you been? Aeryn asked loudly.


Corde winced. "Ow. Not so loud, please. My head hurts."


Aeryn glared. "So where were you?"


"I worked until nine, and then I went to Sarah's party. I didn't think I'd be out so late."


Aeryn sniffed. Her eyes narrowed. "And have you been drinking?"


Corde laughed, and then winced as her headache got worse. "Ow. No, I can't hold alcohol, you know that." True statement. Corde had once had a capful of root beer schnapps mixed with ginger ale and had fallen asleep in minutes.


Aeryn raised an eyebrow. "So why do you look drunk?"


Corde just looked at her. "This, my dear, is not drunk. It is not hung over. It is not high. It is merely me when I'm with my friends."


Aeryn stared in wonder. "You have friends?"


"Har de har har. Yes, I have friends. They just don't like me very much."


Aeryn snorted. "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"


"Quite," Corde replied, as she stared at Aeryn pointedly.


Aeryn ignored the stare. "So if you're not drunk or high, what's wrong with you?"


Corde sighed. "Did you know that Dr. Pepper has caffeine in it?"


Aeryn blinked. "Yes, of course."


Corde shouted, "WHY am I the ONLY one who didn't KNOW that?"


"You drank some? Gee, Corde, that was smart, considering you're allergic to it. Why didn't you just smoke a cigarette while you were at it?" Aeryn said sarcastically.


Corde groaned. "I can't believe this. Some people are allergic to peanut butter or strawberries. I'm allergic to vices! Can't smoke, can't drink, can't even have CAFFEINE for Ava's sake what happens if I'm allergic to sex as well?"


Crichton giggled.


"Hey," Aeryn snapped. "Let's keep it PG13."


"Right," Corde sighed. "At least I'm not allergic to tobacco, alcohol, caffeine AND strawberries and peanut butter. That would just be very unfun."


" 'Unfun'? This is a word? 'Unfun'? Is that like that girl said on the radio, 'I couldn't be more happier'? Sheesh. English isn't even my first language and I can use it better than you people," complained Aeryn.


"Oh, I know," said Corde. "I can't stand bad grammar. Like when people write 'your' instead of 'you're.' That makes me so mad, I have gotten used to writing 'you're,' so now sometimes I write 'you're' when I really mean 'your.'"




"Yes Aeryn?"


"Shut up. You're babbling."


"Thank you."


Chapter 2 


"Delia had had a shot of gin at ten, so at midnight when she was supposed to be home, Jim drove her home, and Amy and I followed in Amy's car, then Amy drove me home and took herself and Jim back to the party," Corde explained. "That's why I didn't get home until 1."


"Did Sarah like her present, at least?"


"Oh yeah. She wore it the rest of the night. I gave her the bracelet I got in New York, and a box of chocolate. She didn't wear that. And then we all danced to Led Zeppelin. Well, Delia danced to Led Zeppelin. The rest of us laughed. She was just a little spiffed."


"A shot of gin? Yeah, that's a little spiffed."


"Not for most of them. They all drink like fish. It's kind of sad, really. I feel so left out."


"No you don't."


"No, you're right, I don't. I don't like the taste of alcohol anyway. And I don't like what it does to me."


Aeryn snickered. "Yeah, Sarah was telling me about the first time you drank. Half a glass of Grasshopper drowned in Pepsi. She said you were falling down the stairs."


"I would have fallen down the stairs anyway," Corde protested. "They're really narrow. And besides, I don't remember that part."


"That's because you blacked out. That's not a good sign."


"I KNOW! That's why I didn't drink tonight."


" And had caffeine instead and have a headache now. Yeah, good choice," said Aeryn.


"Shut up," Corde mumbled. "Gods! How long does it take for Advil to kick in?"


"Quite a while, considering you haven't taken any," Aeryn said dryly.


"Oh," said Corde. "That explains a lot," and she went off in search of Advil.


Chapter 3


The Enforcer sauntered in, acting like the brat that she is. Corde whipped out her AK-47 and shot her seventy-three times in the head.


Chapter 4


"What the frell was THAT?" asked Aeryn.


Corde spat and muttered with a southern accent, "She needed killin'."


"I believe that's a valid defense in parts of Kentucky, but since we aren't in Kentucky, you mind telling me what that was?"


Corde sighed. "She's on the Amazon list I'm on. She was being a brat. Actually she was being something else, but I'd like to keep this PG13, so I'll just say brat. I'm not in the mood to deal with her, so Anthony suggested I put her in a fic and kill her. It made me feel better."


"That's all well and good," Aeryn said. "But who's gonna clean up the blood? And don't even look at me, Miss Shoot-First-and-Ask-Questions-Later. I'll get you a mop."


Corde looked in disgust at the bloody mass on the floor. Then she cheered up. "It was worth it," she said. "I've been wanting to do that for months." Aeryn came back with the mop and Corde set to work cleaning up the late Enforcer.


Chapter 5


"At least your chapters are getting better," remarked Aeryn. "They have definite themes and endpoints."


"Aww, you mean I'm starting to write better? Shoot, I'm gonna have to work on that," said Corde.


"Now if you would just work on the subject matter" Aeryn began.


Corde shot her a warning glare. "Don't go there," she advised. "You don't wanna go anywhere near there. Like the list says, this is me delving into the far reaches of my psyche. Thanks for that phrase, by the way, Natalie, was it? Or Cristin or Rachel I forget. Sorry. But thanks, whoever it was."


Aeryn gave her a 'Corde-you-psycho' look. "Whatever you say."


Corde said, "And now, before we ride into the sunset a la Rachel, I'd like to leave you with a quote, a la Rayne. 'Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.' That's a good one. I bet Xena followed that advice. That goes along with Cristin's Middle Ages quote, sorta. So now everyone is having quotes, and I still don't have one. Maybe I should"


"Corde," Aeryn interrupted.


"Yes, Aeryn?"


"Shut up."




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